Boobs in the Wood

Synopsis: British risque pantomime comedy about Robin Hood, Maid Marion, and the evil Sheriff Richard Dangley.
 
IMDB:
6.8
Year:
1999
106 min
53 Views

Jerome!

Put on that Bobby Womack.

No, girl, I want to go way back.

Oh yeah, check this out.

Please put that in the kitchen.

And watch the wall... the wall!

- Who is this pretty lady?

- I told Oliver we shouldn't do this here.

- What's wrong?

- Why couldn't we do it at the church?

- Mike, get that out of my face, please.

- Mr Blackman is going to like this one.

Yeah? I have some videos myself.

You know I keep everything, boy.

- Are you trying to blackmail me?

- That's exactly what I'm trying to do.

Tell my son Roland I want to see him.

Oliver, time to set up

the chairs outside.

It just wouldn't seem right

without any drama.

I never thought Roland would

get married. Apparently, neither did he.

The wedding kicks off in three hours

and nobody can find him.

My name is Mike. Big Mike

in the Wood, but we'll get to that later.

What's the Wood?

It's not what you think it is.

No, it's Inglewood, California.

It's where we grew up.

Me, Roland and Slim.

There's Slim. He's been pissed off

ever since Roland went missing.

- Every five minutes he says...

- Where the fuck is that nigger?

- See?

- Who the fuck are you talking to?

Excuse me.

If Roland didn't want to get married,

he shouldn't have asked.

Nobody forced him. He wants to be

Hugh Hefner and get married.

- Hugh Hefner is married.

- He's divorced... Fuck him, too!

The point is, we were supposed

to meet the photographer an hour ago!

And don't ever front me

in front of people we don't know.

Don't mind Slim. He and Ro are always

in disagreement about something.

It's always been that way.

Me? I get to play the peacemaker.

The mediator.

Goddamn! It's hard to believe we

dressed like this and thought it cool.

Oh, man.

In 1986 me, my little brother

and my mom moved to Inglewood.

An L.A. Suburb.

My mom got a new job at the hospital.

For the last time, I hoped.

This was my third school in five years.

It wasjust like the movies here.

Middle of January, yet 80 degrees.

Palm trees, sunny skies

and, of course, beautiful women.

You see her titties in "Purple Rain"?

You could eat off those.

- You're crazy.

- Vanity looked fine in "Last Dragon".

She didn't show no tit.

Let's ask him, man.

- Who's finer, Vanity or Apolonia?

- Apolonia, man.

- Vanity.

- What did I tell you?

- He doesn't know anything.

- You're the new kid, right?

So, are you cuz or blood?

Are you cuz or blood?

- Cuz what?

- What set are you from, man?

I don't know anything about any sets.

I'm from North Carolina.

North Carolina? That's why

the nigger sounds like Willie Nelson.

You better hang with us. You got

to learn how to make it in the Wood.

- Otherwise you might get shot.

- Shot?

You know, shot. Bang-bang.

- The nigger don't know nothing.

- We've got to teach him the ropes.

- I'm Roland. This skinny fool is Slim.

- I'm Mike.

- You play ball?

- I play baseball.

We ain't in Boston. That's that

white boy, Ricky Schroeder shit.

- I mean basketball.

- No. But I watch it a lot.

Rule number one in the Wood:

Either you gang-bang or you play ball.

Or you could be a pimp, like me.

Because I've got to stay clean.

Whose homeroom are you in?

- Mrs Hughes.

- That's where we're going.

What's up with the threads, man?

And look out for Mrs Hughes.

Somebody should give her a Tic Tac.

Oh, man!

- Who is that?

- That's Alicia.

- She's fine as hell, ain't she?

- You ain't never lying.

- What, you like her?

- No, I just think she looks good.

So does every nigger in the school.

Watch this, though.

- Alicia...

- What are you doing?

Alicia, you're looking nice today.

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Jim Davidson

James Cameron Davidson, OBE (born 13 December 1953) is an English comedian and presenter. His highest profile roles came on television when he hosted Big Break and The Generation Game. He is also a stand-up comedian and writer, developing adult pantomime shows such as Boobs in the Wood and Sinderella, both of which have played to sell-out audiences. Davidson has become known for his use of controversial jokes about women, ethnic minorities, gay people and disabled people, although he denies accusations that he is prejudiced against these groups. more…

All Jim Davidson scripts | Jim Davidson Scripts

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"Boobs in the Wood" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 20 Jun 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/boobs_in_the_wood_23648>.

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