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Douches. "Fresh Scent."

"Medicated" and "Sweet Romance."

Yeah, let's not be doing

the Sweet Romance douches quite yet.

"Poise Feminine Wash."

"Poise"? That's a little close, guys.

"Always Clean"?

I could actually use those. Uh...

What's a Diva Cup? Is that to make coffee?

I don't under-...

What kind do you guys use?

Huh.

- No!

- Hi.

Don't tell me.

- Lauren.

- Lauren.

Mr. Hooters.

Jim.

What's going on in the sweater?

Just for the articles?

No. These, um, actually are for my son.

Wow. What a progressive mother.

No. I found a centerfold under his bed,

and I tore it up.

From a magazine, not the Internet?

He's old school. I respect that.

Why'd you tear it up?

Because as a woman I was totally offended.

You don't have to be.

It's a normal part of growing up.

Okay, but he taped a picture

of our babysitter's face on it.

Okay, that's sick. He needs help.

Borderline Dahmer situation.

Oh, very funny. Okay,

but if you had kids you'd understand...

- Three daughters.

- ...it's complicated.

You have three daughters?

Yes. Do you have any other children,

or just the masturbator?

He has a younger brother.

Uh-huh.

Maybe you'll do a better job with that kid.

I'm just joking. So what, you're here

to replace it before the kid finds out?

Yes. But I can't tell

what magazine it's from. I just...

Do you have any of the centerfold remnants?

Yes, I do.

I, um... I tried to tape it back up.

Did a great job. You can hardly tell.

Snapper magazine.

How can you tell?

From the staple placement

and the way the paper feels...

...and I already have this copy at home.

How about a fist bump? Huh?

Ah.

- Yep, that's the one.

- Great.

Excuse me. Actually, I thought of something

that might help us both...

...to save us some embarrassment.

How about I bring that up to the cashier,

and you bring this up for me.

- Whoa. Are these for your daughter?

- Yeah. She's 15.

And her "friend" just paid a visit.

Okay. Well, these are

for a much older "friend."

A much heavier "friend"

staying in a much bigger "room"...

...than your daughter has.

You lost me.

You found me. Oh.

- Can I get a bump?

- No.

No.

Okay. So you will do this.

That'll be $13.

Hi, I'm Tom.

- Here's your change.

- Hi, I'm Tom.

Yeah, you told me. Next.

Oh.

I remember the Slender Fit days.

You must be doing your Kegels.

Nowadays,

I need six of these taped together.

Okay. Moving on.

And we got...

...that and card.

Rockin' Saturday night, huh, Lefty?

Oh, that's not mine. That's for her kid.

Ooh, pretty progressive mom.

- Yeah. That's what I said to her too.

- Why would you do that?

- I'm sorry. I'll get you out of it.

- What is wrong with you?

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