Birds of America Page #4

I remember that. It

was, llke, possessed.

Because now

I have a dryer,

which is just

that. A dryer.

A devlce

that removes

slgnlflcant amounts

of molsture

from clothlng,

and renders them

completely - not just

partially - dry.

So, yes, my new washer

and dryer have made

me very happy.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Morrie's always helped

you, hasn't he, Ida?

Every time you've called,

every six months or so.

I will pay him

back eventually.

You can pay

him back now.

Leave tomorrow, Ida.

Please. First thing.

Did you just

say that to me?

I know, and I'm

sorry. But I know

you understand.

How many years have you

guys been tlptoelng

around Paul and Laura?

Is thls my parents'

creme de menthe?

I don't know. It was

there when Morrie and

I started dating.

Morrie's a great teacher.

Paul is not gonna punish

him just because I

came to see Jay.

Is that the only reason

you came? I mean,

Ida, please.

J ust please stay away from

Gary's for the next

couple of weeks.

He's really

been doing well.

He's finally

back up on...

his feet.

You mean,

back on his feet?

You were

gonna say back

on his feet.

It has been two years,

you never even

called him.

If you mess with Gary

now, if you mess with

Gary's engagement,

Paul's already furlous

wlth Morrle. That would

just be It for us.

Engagement?

Oh, sweetie. Oh,

surely you heard?

Gary is marrying

Ellen Thomas.

[Soft muslc]

[Loud rock music]

[Loud female laughter]

(Ida)

Thank you for the

smooth ride, officer.

[Sigh]

What are you

doing here?

Who is that?

Will.

Wlll who?

Actually, I think

it was Phil.

It was Phil.

It was a Phil.

Sex. You should

try it, it's fun.

You know what

they say, Morrie?

Everythlng In moderatlon,

Includlng moderatlon.

Loosen your belt a blt.

Your robe. Loosen

your robe.

You don't

wanna see that.

I 've seen it,

but that's not

what I meant.

You've seen it.

When did you see it?

Jay and I used to look out

the window when you'd

sneak out back,

and you'd go behind

the bush and,

you know?

You need to think about

your behavior. It

isn't safe.

You could get

tenure tomorrow,

after seven years of

inhaling Paul and

Laura's farts,

and get hlt by

a meteor.

Life is short.

Llfe Isn't

that short.

The average llfe span of

a male In North

Amerlca Is 70.

What's the average life

span of this family?

I 've chosen to plan

for my future.

As for fun, you and Jay

can keep living it

up in ravines,

and pretendlng to be

artlsts and photographers.

I am

a photographer.

You look exhausted.

Well, I just haven't

been sleeping.

[Sighs]

Anyway. [clears throat]

Sorry about what

I insinuated.

I 'm sure that you and

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