Synopsis: A down on his luck William "Bill" Shakespeare decides to pursue his latest dream: to be an aspiring writer. His adventure soon becomes dangerous when he is caught between a act of murder.
Director(s): Richard Bracewell
Production: BBC Films
Rotten Tomatoes:
94 min


Oh... por favor.

Holy Maria.

Please, I...

Well, well, well, well.

If it isn't Sir Richard Hawkins.

Thieving English privateer

and pain in the bum hole.

Is that you, Phil?

King Phil... ip.

I thought so.

- You don't mind if I...?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

- You carry on. Fill your boots.

- That's very decent of you.


Love to stop for a portrait,

but er... must dash.

Do look me up if ever

one of your Armadas pans out

and I'll take you out in London.

- My treat.

- I'll be sure to pop it in the diary.

You seem very chipper

for someone being robbed.

No, it's just I'm a...

a little bit excited.

You see, I'm interested to see

how you're gonna get out of this one.

It's a round room, no corners, two exits.

Not exactly holding

all the cards there, Phil.

Have you forgotten

the first rule of espionage?

No. Always hide in plain sight.

Mr Hawkins.

Oh, bugger.

Take him.

Get him up!

I sail under the sovereign protection

of Queen Elizabeth

and she will not stand for this!


I'm counting on it.

Make way!

Make way!


Make Way!

I don't suppose you could...?

He's gone.

Make way!

Letter for Her Majesty.

Where is she?

- Undressing. What is it?

- King Philip ll of Spain.

It would seem...

"he's captured Sir Richard.


I agree, Your Majesty,

Hawkins is a most valuable asset

and we all want him back out there

robbing the Spanishes.

But diplomacy is our only option.

- A summit with King Philip.

- Ooh!

As your father, King Henry, always said,

"Keep your friends close

and your enemies closer."

And a lot of stuff about women

that I never really...

- Will there be dancing?

- What about a joust?

- Kiss chase.

- Sex wrestling.

- Perhaps a nice play.

- I hardly think we need to...


Who said... a play?

I'll get you!

Bill! Bill!

- What?

- Your friends are here.

Ladies and gentlemen,

gently to hear, kindly to judge,

we are... Mortal Coil.

- It's not you.

- It is you.

It is you.

Maybe you're destined

for something different.

Like what?

- Erm...

- Er...

- Cooking.

- Anyway, we'd better...

"shuffle off.

Sorry, Bill.

Sorry, Bill.

I thought his name was Phil.

I knew something like this

was gonna happen.

- Talent jealousy.

- You'll get over that.

Not me. Them.

Well, I will call in

at the butcher's tomorrow

and see if he still needs someone

in the afternoons.

Whoa, Anne.

I'm not gonna go

and work in some butcher's.

But you said if things didn't work out

with the band, you'd get a proper job.

- You promised.

- I know.

And I have.

I've written a great work for the stage.

- What?

- I'm a writer now.

- Oh, my God.

- What?

Bill, you're not a writer.

- What's this, then? Scottish mist?

- Scotch mist.

This is why you're not a writer.

Oh! It's just another fad, Bill.

Just like the acting, the band,

the interpretive dance.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No. This is different.

It's like the words flow through me.

Like I'm the east and they're the sun.

- Well, not that, but...

- Bill...

Writing scripts isn't a job,

not in Stratford.

You need theatres and patrons and...

- No.

- Just think about it.

There is no way

that you are moving our entire family

- down to that bloody London!

- ..a talented young writer in London.

You wanna go to London? You go to London.

But me and the kids

are not going with you.

You're 30 years old.

It's time you grew up.

- What, and give up my dreams?

- They're just dreams.


Well... we'll see who the dreamer is,


That London is not gonna know

what hit it.

People will remember the name


20 years from now!

To each their dreams.

- Earl of Essex.

- Of course, sir.

- Earl of Essex!

- Earl of Essex!

- Oxford.

- Of course, sir.

- Earl of Oxford!

- Earl of O!

- Croydon.

- Of course, sir.

Straight out the front gate,

down the road towards Penge.

Now, you need to veer left

when you hit a stream.

No, I don't want to go to Croydon.

I am Croydon.

The Earl of Croydon.

- Barry.

- Yeah?

- You got a Croydon down there?

- I was here yesterday.

- All right.

- Er... Got a Chester.


- Got a Crawley.

- Yes, that's me.

- But you just said Croydon.

- There is no Earl of Crawley.

That's me. Your list is wrong.

We've gotta go by the list, sir.

A lot of Catholics about, you see.

You can't just let anybody in.

But he just...

Ah. Southampton, would you

please tell these idiots who I am?

Yes, Crawley, isn't it?

- Earl of Crawley.

- Curly Wurly.

So no jokes at all as such.

We go out and do funny observations.

I'd stick to the juggling.

I pulled his finger.

Turned out he had dysentery.

Ha, ha, ha.

- Anyone seen a spare chair or...?

- Drake, darling.

Are you still harping on

about your little pleasure cruise?

- Oooh!

- Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

You're still burning your way through

all your daddy's hard-earned money?


I'm trying, love.

Investing in the ans now.

It's like pouring it down a privy.

Oh, and have you erm...?

Oh, yes. Three tankards of mead and

just a bowl of those crispy pork things.

- I'm the Earl of Croy...

- Now, get this.

- Go on, the one about the sailor.

- Oh!

Now, this... I warn you, you'll have

to mark this one "Not safe for work."

No, seriously.

He calls it an apartment,

but it's just a hut with...

Hang on.

I love this one.

Is it true as well that

during the battle of the Armada

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Laurence Rickard

Laurence Carl "Larry" Rickard (born 14 June 1975) is an English actor, writer and comedian one half of the comedy writing/performance duo "Larry and George" with George Sawyer. more…

All Laurence Rickard scripts | Laurence Rickard Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Bill" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Jun 2024. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer



    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.