Big Nothing Page #3

- What?

- I'm sorry to interrupt, but what...

- I want in.

All right, read my lips, OK -

no f... g way!

- You guys can't do the job without me?

- Why?

Because, dumb-dumb, I'm the only one

who can make the call.

If the preacher records you

on his answer machine

they'll try and match it up with

the voice records from the call centre.

You guy's would be screwed,

stuffed and mounted.

- Is that true?

- Kinda.

How'd you work that out?

I told you, I was Miss Teen Oklahoma.

- How much do you want?

- 20,000.

For making 'the' phone call.

'The average person makes

about 1,140 phone calls each year,

'none of which go anything like this.'

May I speak to the Reverend Smalls,

please?

Hi, Reverend. Are you familiar

with a website that goes by the name of

teen orgies dot com,

or young and hung dot com?

Someone who knows what the mouse

plays when the wife's away.

Listen, sicko. I have a list of all your

favourite sites, your credit card number,

dates and times of all your connections,

so you better cut the crap!

- What do I want?

- 100,000 dollars.

- 200,000.

- What?

You heard me,

I want 200,000 dollars, cash.

Take it or leave it. But if I don't have

my money by tomorrow evening,

the next church newsletter

is gonna be a doozy!

And I'll be sending somebody.

Well, I think that somebody deserves

to made a full partner, don't you?

Wait! I took a chance and it worked.

Now we each get 70,000 dollars.

It's actually 66,666,

followed by an infinite number of sixes.

Thanks, Rain Man!

From now on, anybody pulls

any out-of-the-blue stunts, she's out!

If we're partners,

let's start acting like it.

This is the plan - I go get the money

at 9:
00 pm tomorrow.

'At the same time,

Charlie enters the Monkey Wrench

'and pretends we ran

out of gas on the road to Mill Creek.'

He also says that I'm on my way

to the gas station,

the one that opens 24/7, don't forget.

in a locker at the railway station,

I come back and tell everyone

about my walk in the dark.

If it comes up, Charlie was at the bar,

I was at the gas station.

The guy at the station

will say he never saw you.

- Sure. You why? Cos he's blind.

- Oh, pretty brill!

The following day we meet at noon,

we divvy up the money

and go our respective ways.

OK, now. Any questions?

Why don't we just divvy up

the money immediately?

Rule number two -

always let the dust settle after a job.

"Rule number two?" What, you've been

reading 'Blackmailing for Dummies'?

Any questions? Great.

Rule number three - no matter what

happens... always stick to the plan.

'The next day might have been

the longest one I'd ever known.

'For the first time

since I could remember

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes