Big Game Page #5

last State of the Union address,

all of a sudden I had to pee.

So, I dashed off to the toilet

to handle my business.

And in my haste

to get back in time,

I sort of prematurely

put myself away

and the last bit squirted out

on the front of my trousers.

Yeah, yeah, it's funny.

But, mind you,

I'm about to go out

and give a speech

with the eyes of the American

public and the world on me.

And I got a big piss stain

on the front of my pants.

Look it up on YouTube sometimes.

And notice how I casually

carry my notes

to hide the offending area.

But then notice,

how when I give my address,

my voice doesn't crack,

my hand doesn't shake.

I command

the attention of the room.

Now inside, I'm a mess.

I'm terrified I'm gonna be

remembered in history

as the President

who pissed his pants.

But on the outside,

I'm a rock.

And what happened?

Nothing.

Nobody noticed.

The moment passed.

And...

There's only two people in the

entire universe who know about it.

Me.

And now, you.

But you can

keep a secret, right?

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that?

That, Mr. President,

was a deer.

A deer?

All right.

A deer. That's...

That's good, right?

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yes.

We're under the wind.

It's perfect.

Okay.

Under the wind.

That's good.

Happy birthday, by the way.

Mr. President.

What? You found some tracks?

A shoe.

A shoe?

Looks just like yours.

It must be your lucky day.

Yeah, yeah, my lucky day.

What the...

Jesus.

What?

What the hell?

Cable ties.

Morris, you piece of sh*t.

I think

we've found our small shoes.

Call in the chopper.

Ranger.

Go away.

Is something wrong?

What's this?

- It's from my dad.

- And it says?

He killed that deer for me.

I'm not a hunter. I'm nobody.

Oh, Oskari.

Not even my dad believes in me.

Hey, I know how you feel.

Here.

Take this.

What is it?

It's a reminder

that you found me,

you rescued me,

you protected me.

It's a reminder that

I believe in you.

What's wrong?

I don't think my plane

crash was an accident.

And the men who shot me down,

they're here,

and they're hunting me.

We need to go

our separate ways, okay?

Take all your knowledge of

these woods and these mountains

and get as far away from me

as you can.

But what about you?

I can take care of myself.

No, President,

I don't think you can.

Well, now,

if it isn't small shoes,

and the leader

of the free world.

I...

I have to say, Mr. President,

I am impressed

how you managed

to put up such a fight.

If only you...

You'd showed such leadership

in the White House,

maybe none of this

would have happened.

Hazar.

I got him.

Leave the boy out of this.

Let him go.

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