Beware the Gonzo
In the past week
I ruined my chance to go to college
I lost all my friends
I almost ruined my parents' marriage
The one girl l ever cared about will
probably never talk to me again
I also got my face kicked in
But...
after everything I've done
I probably got off easy
You believed in me
and I betrayed you all
Amy
I want you on band try-outs and theater auditions
It's Pippin this year, right?
Great show... Jules
I need you on the student parking permits
Please, they confuse the hell out of everybody
Can you do that for me?
There's a new cafeteria policy.
Due to last year's brawl at McDonald's
Nobody's allowed off school grounds for lunch
Not even the seniors.
That sucks
It's okay. I'm gonna do an op ed on that
Gonna interview the principal
it's obviously a hot-button issue
Kev, what do you got, bud?
Football and wrestling previews, Gav. And
I'd love to do a feature on the state wrestling champ
at a hundred sixty eight pounds
who happens to be you
Alright. Well you'll probably
gonna want photos with that
so meet me in the gym after school
I'll let you shoot me in my tux
I got a sports story
but it ain't no goddamn puff piece
It's gonna be in 2-inch type
right underneath the masthead
steroids
good to see you, Gilman
Steroids, huh?
I'm gonna go undercover on the
football team as assistant equipment manager
blow the lid right off this b*tch
I'm gonna find out who's juicing,
where they got the stuff
What evidence do you have that anyone's using steroids?
Statistics
It's an epidemic now on the high school level
the high school football team went 2 and 12 last year
maybe they don't wanna go 2 and 12 this year
It's a ridiculous reach. Forget it.
At least read the data
I don't need to read the data. Thanks.
Who are you trying to protect?
Cough if up, Riley.
How far up does this thing go?
Take it easy, Oliver Stone. I just don't want you
bugging my friends with your bullshit
Okay, guys. These stories are due Friday.
You can just e-mail them to me, alright?
Okay, we table the steroids thing.
What am I gonna do?
You beat me out for editor, Riley,
but I still need to make my mark this year
First of all, Gilman, take a giant step back
You're in my area. We discussed this
Okay
Why don't you just do a
simple 'back to school' piece?
'Another year dawns on Parker Prep'
whatever just
make sure you include the
changes on the academic calendar
Back to school piece
it's simple, it's elegant
I'll really to put my finger on
Yes. Fine. Look, if it's good enough,
I'll even put it on the cover
Just don't get carried away
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
Another year dawns, let's talk about it
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
Do you have one minute?
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
What are your hopes and fears...
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
What are your hopes and fears for the new year?
I hope that you get out of my face
and I fear that you will not.
- Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. I was hoping
- No
- Can I quote you on that?
-No
Got her digits, man. Damn, she's hot.
My friend, Rob. You will have to
undress that girl with a small crane
You've no vision, Gonzo. Okay that girl loses
this much baby fat, she'll have the sweetest ass in the entire school
- And I will be leading the ground floor
- Hmm..interesting.
- You working on a story?
- Undercover. I told you.
- 2-inch type
- right underneath the mast head.
- Hi, Rob.
- Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back.
- This is gonna be such a good year.
- Dude, she's like the elephant man
- You're the Don Juan of the physically-deformed
- Don't hate, okay?
-Please, you're better than that.
-Guys, come quick. It's Schneeman.
Bastards! How can you all just stand there?
Schneeman, I'm coming!
-Third year in a row. My underwear is about to rip...
-I know, I know. Don't try to talk right now
I'm gonna have to lift you... gently
Got it. Come on down. Here we go.
here...we... go.
You okay, Schneeman?
Did they do this to you?
Gavin Riley wasn't there
- Listen Schneeman. This isn't gonna happen again
-I know.
- That is the last time I wear underwear to school
- No, that's not what I mean
Okay you geniuses, here's your reminder
The submission deadline for the
Van Buren price is October 20th
This is the most prestigious history
award in the country
Parker Prep has had two previous winners
Gavin's two older brothers -Marcus and Shawn.
- Are you gonna continue the family dynasty?
- They'll disown me if I don't.
Well you're gonna have some tough competition
this year. Isn't that right, Mr. Shneeman?
Okay, back to Napoleon...
another man who had his eyes on the price
namely, the military domination of Europe...
Another year dawns on Parker Prep,
the 150th in the school history
For most students, it's a time to set goals
both academic and personal
a time to dream when everything seems possible
For others, however, school is already a
waking nightmare, a hellish abyss
where bullies prey sadistically on the weak.
unpunished, their victims, too afraid to identify.
- Hey
- Hey, how was the meeting? Did you settle?
And a hearty good evening to you, Diane.
No, we did not settle
- In fact, they threw the whole thing out.
- What?
Okay, so what happens now?
You don't get paid?
- You've been working on this case for 6 months.
- That's the high stake world of personal injury law.
Arthur, c'mon. This has got to stop.
You need to start getting compensated for your time.
and I'm talking about actual money
I'm not talking about Fernando working
off your fee by doing the hedges
or king Popi giving you that car
truck thingie with the boat attachment
That's an 87 El Camino, babe. It's a chariot
Look, I know how hard it is for you to say no
but you're not working pro-bono at LegalAid anymore
-This job is supposed to pay
- Di, I'm taking every case I can possibly take
I'm taking criminal, divorce, liability
I'm practically chasing ambulances down the street.
What else do you want me to do?
No money, no work. It's very simple
- Where's the boy?
- He's in his room. Eddie, dinner!
I call for a boycott on all boys'
varsity sports events
until the culprits step forward
and take responsibility for their actions
we can no longer let this aggression stand
-What? I'm working.
-Dinner's ready.
-I'll eat later. I'm on a roll
Hey mom?
Can you just grab me a Red Bull?
Rob, do me a favor and read it aloud
"Another year dawns on Parker Prep
The 150th in the school history"
"For most students, it's a time to set
goals both academic and personal"
"a time to dream when everything seems possible."
- Keep going.
- That is the end of the article.
-No, it's not. It's continued on another page or something.
-I don't think so. There's a period there.
What's the matter, Gilman?
It's on the cover, isn't it?
- You cut the whole thing?
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"Beware the Gonzo" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Oct. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/beware_the_gonzo_3983>.
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