Better Watch Out

Just your nose and

then we're done, Mr. frost.

You butt-fucker!

I'm a baby.

Boys! It's dinner time.

Come inside please.

Hey, mom.

I know I said that I would stay

home and pack tonight but...

Yeah, of course

I'm wearing headphones.

Anyway, yeah, so surprise!

I'm not home. Um...

The Lerners asked me to babysit.

What?

Sneak off and see Ricky?

Why would you, why would...

Shit!

Sorry.

Ashley!

Ashley, are you okay?

Hi, mom, no, no, no,

everything's fine.

It's just traffic.

Mom, look, I gotta go.

I love you.

Yeah, yeah,

come here, come here.

Come on, give me a challenge,

give me a challenge.

Oh, that's right, you can't,

'cause I'm the best.

Okay, here we go.

Damn, I'm on a streak!

"Want to put her in the mood?

Watch a horror movie.

"When we're scared,

our brains pump out dopamine

"the same chemical we release

when we're aroused."

So fear really makes girls wet?

Told ya.

Bam!

You believe everything

you read online.

It's like with the paint cans.

Oh, my god, are we seriously

back to the paint can debate?

I ended that last week.

I was unconvinced.

No, no, no, no, no,

we looked it up.

That er doctor said

that the paint can

would've smashed

the robber's face in.

Just admit you're wrong.

Only reason to read this

stuff is for the pictures.

It's a plus. I know

what women want.

Dude.

What?

She's, like, twice our age.

I really don't think

it's gonna happen.

Five years. Big deal.

My parents are five years apart.

You don't get it.

Luke, Ashley's a ten.

A solid ten.

And you're like a fi...

Never mind.

She likes me, I know it.

It's tonight or never.

Okay, go ahead.

But my brother gave me weed,

so instead of trying to

bone your babysitter

maybe we could just, you know...

Puff-puff?

No, man, I'm going

through with the plan.

Don't mess it up for me.

I mean, Luke,

for both our sakes,

I truly, sincerely hope

you get some ass...

sistance...

Uh, with that

computer problem you got.

Like, technical assistance.

Call, uh, geek squad.

They're good.

Real smooth, Einstein.

You smell great,

Mrs. Lerner.

Don't you have a curfew,

Garrett?

Yeah, but my mom said

I could stay in...

Bed by 11:
00, okay?

I know.

And don't forget

to brush your teeth.

I will, mom.

I left pizza money.

Okay!

Robert.

Robert, turn that shit off.

It's giving me a migraine.

Yes, uh, darling.

My ornaments were conspicuously

missing from the tree.

We're not putting those

on the tree.

Bell shoes, or I'll chop your

legs off below the knees.

Are you sure you've never

sucked another man's cock?

Not even in college?

Not some lost weekend?

Fishing trip?

Secret, special friend?

Ever?

Not that I can recall.

Because, honestly,

Robert, this is so...

Meterosexual?

That's not even the word.

It's Metro.

Metrosexual.

I'm allowed to like gay things.

I need a drink.

Oh, my god, the fetus machine!

I forgot you still had this.

What the fuck?

Dude! That is so creepy.

I'm sorry. Please tell me you

don't still sleep with this.

You totally do.

Shut up, dick.

You so do.

Of course not.

Hey, maybe it'll put you in the

mood while you're, you know...

She's here.

Good lord, you are breathtaking.

Thank you.

Nice sweater.

Thanks, nice tie.

Thank you.

So, uh, you're leaving us.

Deandra says that you're moving.

Yeah, in a couple of days,

to Pittsburg.

Did I give you permission?

So thank you for coming

because you've

gotta be busy packing.

Yeah, but I mean, I couldn't

leave without saying goodbye.

Wow! What

a nice thing to say.

Mrs. Lerner,

you look incredible.

Well, thank you. But I

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)