Better Than Chocolate Page #5

in your life was wrong?

Hmmm...

Because I woke up

one morning last month, and...

and I know this sounds silly

because, you know housewives,

excuse me, "homemakers,"

as we're now called,

aren't supposed to have

existential crises.

I think homemakers have

existential crises all the time.

Well, I found out that my husband

had been having an affair.

Oh.

And it had been going on

for more than a year.

A year.

That's a long time.

I had the choice right then,

to either carry on or break it up.

Oh, my goodness,

you're easy to talk to.

Here's to strong women.

To strong women.

- God loves you.

- Hey, I'm busy here.

Jesus loves you.

Thank you.

Can you still read "Die Dyke Die?"

or do you think

I've finally gotten it all off?

Maggie, you know we never used

to have graffiti around here. Never.

Yeah, I think

it's my window displays.

Oh, yeah.

Listen, Maggie, first it's graffiti,

then they start breaking windows,

then God knows what's next.

Certain people, you don't want

to attract their attention, capice?

Capice.

I don't need people writing "Dyke"

on my coffee bar, all right?

Do I look like a dyke to you?

Come on,

you're riding shotgun.

- Where we going?

- Customs, baby.

Hey, hey, hey! Who's supposed

to clean this sh*t up now, huh?

Stu catzo!

- Excuse me.

- Yes?

Can you direct me

to Mr. Marcus' office?

- Downstairs, turn right.

- Thank you.

Buildings like this are designed along

the lines of a rationalist conspiracy.

The thing is

not to be bamboozled,

just know where you're going

and go there. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Ah!

- Ooh!

- Don't ask.

Oh, boy.

The books have been

classified as obscene

and will not be allowed

through the border.

Now, if I can just

get you to sign here.

"Little Red Riding Hood"

is obscene?

Well, we... we thought

that was something else.

- I'll bet you did.

- Our mistake.

However, titles such as...

"The Lesbian SM Virtual Sex Manual"

and "A Guide To A-a-a... "

"Anal Safe Sex"

will remain here with us.

Something to read

on those dark, lonely nights.

If I could just get you to sign here,

here and here and here.

You can have "Little Red Riding Hood"

back within the week.

Seriously, Mr. Marcus...

the Supreme Court has declared

that anal sex is to gay male sex

what Mozart is to classical music.

Miss Turner, we are not here

to discuss classical music.

I myself

am a huge Mozart fan, but...

Look, the Supreme Court has declared

this material is not obscene!

This is not the Supreme Court.

We're in Customs

and I have a job to do.

Just following orders, are we?

A**hole.

From your perspective that must be

a compliment of Mozartian proportions?

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