Best Laid Plans Page #4

Now! Hit him now!

F***in' hit him! F***in' hit him!

F***in' hit him, Joseph!

Hit him now!

Joseph, f***in' hit him!

Come on! F***in' hit him!

- Fight!

- (Danny) F***in' hit him!

Hit him!

(Grunts)

(Gasping)

(Sobbing) I want to go home, Danny.

- We'll go...

- I want to go home.

I want to go home, Danny.

Yeah, we'll go home. We're gonna go home.

- We're gonna go home.

- Is it finished?

Don't leave me!

(Shuddering) Danny!

You see this?

This fight has just been

shown in the far east.

Asia. Australia.

Look at the time.

Fifty-five seconds.

It's like premature ejaculation.

Briefly satisfying,

but ultimately it's embarrassing.

What the f*** are you talking about?

I'm talking about value for money.

Fifty-five seconds?

Teach him to play the game.

The only game he knows

is f***in' hide-and-seek.

We're talking pounds per minute here.

So either the fights last longer

or he has to have more fights.

OK? Understand?

Do you understand that?

- Yeah.

- Great.

Joseph, this isn't our stop, right.

But you stay here.

You stay here and go straight home, OK?

Go straight home.

See you later.

(Slurring) I hope you've got

something better lined up for us

when we get there.

Because I've had enough of this sh*t.

I want... 73 virgins.

All lined up for me when I get there.

F*** that, I'm not worth it.

I'll have 37 whores instead.

I want a garden, with a

river running through

so me and Joseph can go fishing

whenever we want.

And I want a well.

With lager.

I want my own coca plants,

so I can grow my own gear.

It'll be pure as snow.

I'm not meek.

I don't want to inherit f*** all.

I just want a happy ending.

Especially for Joseph.

(Shouting) Because you f***ed his life up,

didn't you?

And mine.

Give us a sign, will you?

Give us a f***ing sign!

I'll give you a smack in the mouth

if you don't shut the f*** up.

Sorry, love.

Sorry.

(Toilet flushing)

(Sprays)

(Joseph sprays)

What are you doing?

Nothing.

(Stutters)

(Laughing)

(Exclaiming)

How's Joseph?

- He's all right.

- I saw him Tuesday.

Lucky you.

Went past here in his socks.

(Exclaims excitedly)

(Man) One careful lady owner.

Got a brand new engine in it.

Paint job. Complete refurb.

It's lovely, isn't it?

What are you doing? What's wrong with you?

(Joseph) Please! Please! Please!

(Isabel laughing)

- Put me down, Joseph!

- Please!

Joseph, put me down!

Joseph, behave yourself.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Be careful.

Buy. Buy.

- All right, mate?

- All right, mate.

It's got a brand new engine in it.

Complete refurb. Paint job. The lot.

It's got everything.

There's no price on it.

Yeah, well, that's because

it's priceless, innit?

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