Beloved Infidel Page #3

radio broadcast, like Louella has.

- Keep that to yourself.

- Yes, all right.

Goodbye, John.

Cut. Print.

I knew you were writing these shorts,

but I didn't know you were in them.

- They needed a no-talent actor.

- Oh, come on.

- Lord Donegall leave?

- Yes. On Sunday.

Listen, got any choice titbits

for my column?

No. But I'm giving a party tomorrow.

I want you to come.

Bob, I'd love to,

but I've been showing Don the town

for two weeks and I'm exhausted.

Oh, come on, come on.

It's somebody's birthday.

Enough things might happen

to fill your column for a week.

- We're ready for you, Mr. Carter.

- Thank you.

Please, it's a fun party.

Don't go away.

No. All right.

- Roll the tape.

- Action.

Today we're taking up

the ordinary household problem

of opening a can of sardines.

The intelligent thing to do

is to use a can opener.

But if there's no can opener available,

many other kitchen utensils will do

the job.

The ice pick.

Simply drive the ice pick

into the tin of sardines.

And use a strong knife...

There you are. Not only

have you freed the can of sardines,

but you also have

your household hint for today.

How to convert a kitchen table

into a flower garden.

Cut. Print.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to propose a toast.

To Scott.

One of the greatest novelists

in the English language.

- Hear, hear.

- And I should know,

because as a punishment, I was forced

to read him since I was six years old.

I don't mean this impostor,

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I mean the real Scott...

Sir Walter Scott.

And in paying tribute to Sir Walter,

the creator of Ivanhoe...

And I don't know why we should.

Instead let me propose a toast to

the Westchester Power and Light Company,

who shut off my lights

and forced me to come to Hollywood,

where I can afford

to give parties like this.

Oh, you lucky girl!

You're going to dance with me.

Stop it. You're making me blush.

- Am I?

- Mm-hm.

You have a lovely sensitive face.

As a columnist,

you've got to be as tough as nails.

And you're going to marry a lord,

aren't you?

Yes. Yes.

Genuine?

- Coronet, ermine robes, the whole...?

- Yes, certainly.

Wear them every morning for breakfast.

That's what you were

really brought up to do?

Absolutely.

How do you put all that together?

Oh... Looks, brains, influence.

And what is it you're going to be?

A duchess? A lady?

- A marchioness.

- Well, there you are. You see?

You're a jigsaw puzzle.

Of course I am. I'm incredible.

Hm...

What are you looking at now?

Surely you've found out

everything you want to know.

Mm-mm.

Which is the happy one

and which is the sad one?

Sad what?

Eye. Everyone has a sad eye

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes