Synopsis: The Newton family live in their comfortable home, but there seems to something missing. This "hole" is filled by a small puppy, who walks into their home and their lives. Beethoven, as he is named, grows into a giant of a dog... a St Bernard. Doctor Varnick, the local vet has a secret and horrible sideline, which requires lots of dogs for experiments. Beethoven is on the bad doctor's list.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Family
Director(s): Brian Levant
Production: Universal Pictures
  1 win & 4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
87 min

Slow down, slow down. Move it back up.

-Here we go.|-They`re drivin` me crazy!

-Don`t go too fast.|-Come on!

-What`s the matter?|-You threw the cage on my foot!

-l didn`t do that.|-Yes, you did.

l need puppies.

-Okay. All right. Come on.|-Puppies.

Hi there. lsn`t that the sweetest?

-He`s cool.|-l think he likes us.

What a cute guy.

lsn`t he cute?

Hi, puppy.

No, absolutely not.

How big`s he gonna be?

St. Bernards get to be about 150 pounds.

l got a junkyard.|l need a big, mean junkyard dog.

Let me see him.

Come here, puppy.

He looks good and mean.

l don`t know. He`s pretty sweet.

You can make any dog mean.

Damn little beast! God!

You got any pit bulls?

Come on. lt`s a pushover.

l cased the place.

What about the cops?|What about video surveillance?

You`re crazy if you`re gonna walk up|just like this.

What about the alarm?

All you gotta do is step over.

-l got you.|-Okay, okay.

There, you see?|ln and out, quiet as a mouse.

Let`s get some dogs.

Come on, puppy.|We`re just goin` for a little car ride.

Look at the wee, little ones.|Come here, little puppies.

Here we go.

Come on, puppy. Here puppy, nice puppy.

l`ve stepped in the beam.

Here, puppy, nice puppy.

See, didn`t l tell ya?

Doesn`t this beat|takin` strays off the street?

-You are a genius!|-Get off!

Sorry! l`m sorry.

l`m just a little bit excited.|That`s my very first felony.

l`ve committed a lot of misdemeanors,|but that was my first felony.

Why are they barking?

They`re dogs.

l know they`re dogs!|Go in the back and check.

Okay, doggies, what`s the racket back--

Okay, doggies, back in your house.

Back in your house.|Here, doggie, nice doggie.

No, doggie. Don`t jump.

Bad dog!

Good puppy!

Bad puppy, don`t jump!

Good puppy, don`t jump!

Come back! Stop the van!

Harv, what is it?|Why did you want me to stop?

Hurry, they`re gettin` away.

Hey, you, come back here!

Come here! l`ll give you a bone!

Come back here, you little runt!

Come here, you!

7 A.M.!|Up and at 'em!

Ted, l`m sorry.

What`s wrong?|Did you have another nightmare?


Mom, it`s Saturday and it`s 7:02.|Do we really have to get up?

Yep, you heard your father.

l know, Daddy`s rules.

That`s it! l`m not gonna take it anymore.

Mom, l have a news flash for you.|lt`s Saturday!

-Yeah, l know, honey.|-This sucks!

Why do we have to get up|so early on Saturday?

Ask your father. Don`t say `"sucks.`"

The bathroom`s mine!

-Nanny, nanny!|-Shut up! Let me in.

Open up, you little wimp! Let me in!

-Mom! Let me in!|-You have no bladder control.

Wait till l get my hands on you. Let me in!

A puppy!


Guys, do you have to--

l dreamt l had a puppy, and it came true!


l take back everything l said|about you being cold and insensitive.

Dad, l take back|anything l ever said about you, too.

Dad, l have everything l ever wanted.

-l owe you big time.|-Why?

Daddy, can we call him Fred?

-Let me have him. lt`s my turn.|-No, it`s my turn!

-l saw him first!|-l`m gonna have him for five more minutes.

We can`t have a dog. We can`t have a dog!

You can`t show a child a puppy,|then take it away two minutes later.

l didn`t show a child a puppy.|lt`s obviously lost.

-Occupy the kids. l`ll run to the pound.|-No, no way!

-lt`ll be destroyed.|-lf we keep it, the house will be destroyed!

-lt`s a dog. Millions of people have dogs.|-Not people like me.

Dogs sniff. They lick, they chew.|They drool, they scratch--

-Alice, they have parasites.|-Oh, God, yeah.

The kids`ll lose interest.|l`ll have to care for it.

lt`ll grow to be enormous.|lt`ll take over the yard.

The lawn`ll look terrible.

When the dog finally settles down, it`ll die.

Everybody will be upset. We`ll have|to get another puppy. Start all over.

-Do you understand?|-No. Could you be more specific?

-Alice, l need a little support.|-Okay, l`m sorry. All right.

How shall we handle this?

Go tell the kids.

-Come on.|-Come over here.

He loves me the most.

-Hi, kids.|-Hi, Dad.

-Can he sleep in my room?|-No, he`s sleeping in my room.

-l`m the oldest. He`s sleeping in my room.|-He`s not sleeping in anyone`s room.

Listen to me a minute.

We are `"people`" people here.|We are `"goldfish`" people.

We`re `"ant farm`" people.

We`re not `"dog`" people.

Dad, why can`t you just give us a chance?

You`re always saying|we have to have responsibility.

That`s true.

lt`s my decision. l mean, l`ve decided.

l knew it!

Better think of something to name him.

When he destroys my house,|l wanna know what to call him!

-Thank you.|-This is temporary.

This is temporary until we find the owner.

Okay, the dog`s name will be....

-What is it?|-What`s his name gonna be?

You can`t change it. That`s the rules.

Okay. Emily?

Did you do your name in a crayon?

l don`t think words for parts|of the body make good names.

But he`s got one of those. l looked.

l`m sure he does, but l don`t think Daddy...

...wants to stand on the front porch|at night yelling that out.

But that`s what you call Uncle Richard.

Okay, the dog`s name will be....

You asked for my input.

-What?|-Nothing. Let`s just call the dog Rover.

-Mom, please, M.C. Hammer.|-Ultimate Warrior.

M.C. Hammer? No, no, Rover.

He doesn`t like any of those names.

-Right! Like you can read his mind!|-Ryce!

Emily, what does the dog|want his name to be?

This is ridiculous! lt`s a dog.|He doesn`t have preferences!

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

John Hughes

An American filmmaker. Beginning as an author of humorous essays and stories for National Lampoon, he went on to write, produce and sometimes direct some of the most successful live-action comedy films of the 1980s and 1990s. Most of Hughes's work is set in the Chicago metropolitan area. He is best known for his coming-of-age teen comedy films which often combined magic realism with honest depictions of suburban teenage life. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Beethoven" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <>.

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