Bean Page #6

CUT TO:

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. CORRIDOR - DAY

BEAN rounds a corner and walks towards us, imitating a bowlegged

cowboy. The Theme from Bonanza plays. He whips out his pair of

imaginary six shooters, spins them on his fingers and returns them to-

their imaginary holsters, making gun sound effects. He's very happy.-

He passes the Security Guard - he draws his gun on him - zero reaction

the Guard just raises his eyebrows and yawns.

BEAN heads on through the gallery merrily - but suddenly, his good mood

is broken, when he notices 3 schoolgirls entering a new exhibition,

called The Ultra-Human Form. This worries him - and we soon see why -

BEAN heads in to the room where all the paintings are very graphic

nudes, and the 3 girls are having a good giggle.

BEAN quickly rushes over and with his hand covers the breasts of the

painting they're inspecting.

Two girls then move on to the next painting - which unfortunately also

has breasts. BEAN stretches and just manages to cover them with his

other hand.

Now the third girl heads on, so BEAN can drop the hand on the first

painting - but now has to try to cover the breasts on the third

painting, which is a real long stretch away. He can't quite make it,

so he takes off his shoes, which gives him the extra 3 inches. Again,

safe. Just.

Now, all three girls leave the paintings - but, to BEAN's chagrin, head

over to a classical nude sculpture in the middle of the room. It's

like the 3 Graces, 3 naked women back to back. BEAN thinks fast. He

quickly whips off his

12

Belt and rushes over to the statue, where he succeeds in looping it

round to cover all six nipples.

Unfortunately the girls have already lost interest and head over to the

other side of the gallery. To BEAN's horror. Because at that moment

we reveal what is on the other side of the room. A epic painting in

the style of the others - with literally 40 graphically naked people.

BEAN sprints across the room, stands on a chair, and desperately tries

to cover a particularly lurid example of a gentleman's manhood.

At which moment the teacher of the party and 40 other schoolgirls

appear and scream in chorus. BEAN thinks that it is the painting that

has caused offence and is in outraged agreement with them. He turns.

Cut wide to reveal that they are screaming because he's beltless

trousers have fallen down.

CUT TO:

EXT. GRIERSON GALLERY. AMERICA - DAY.

8.30 am California time. A modern building with plenty of glass.

Large, modern sculptures are spotted around its grounds, including a

dramatic one of two huge old cars, head down in the ground, backs

protruding into the air.

THOMAS GRIERSON, owner of the gallery, wearing a slick expensive suit,

walks with DAVE LEARY and BERNIE, both in casual jackets and ties.

GRIERSON is a vain, slightly pedantic and pompous man - maybe short -

always just trying to show he's Boss. The three are strolling towards

the main entrance. Huge sign: 'THE GRIERSON GALLERY' with a silhouette

of Whistler's Mother taken from the painting, as an incorporated logo.

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