Batman vs. Two-Face Page #3

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BATMAN:
Citizen, duck.

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

Egads! The Caped Crumbums!

Surrender, you poor deluded fool, and

throw yourself on the mercy of the court.

You'll be begging for mercy

when we get through with you.

Tutlings, ho!

(GRUNTS)

(BEEPS)

Alfred, get the patrons to safety.

At once, sir.

(MAN SCREAMS)

Quickly now. Watch your step.

WOMAN:
Age before beauty, I suppose.

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ALFRED GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

That'll teach these thievin' thugs.

Indeed. Now for Tut.

Nuts to you, Masked Morons.

(BOTH GRUNT)

Fangs dipped with

a fast-acting knockout venom.

- Holy hypodermic!

- (BOTH GROAN)

I always knew you'd make

an asp of yourself, Bat-boob.

(LAUGHING)

(STRAINING) What are these things, Batman?

Canopic jars, Robin.

Used by the ancient Egyptians to store

and preserve the viscera of their owner

for the afterlife.

Holy entrails! But why?

Simple, Boy Birdfeed.

Once entombed in the foundation of the

soon-to-be-erected Pyramid Tower,

the Dynamic Dunderheads

will be preserved for all eternity.

Fitting, no?

You... You fractured pharaoh.

Hit it, boys!

Batman and Robin trapped in yon urns,

awaiting their fates as the cement churns.

Their clipped wings can't fly.

So, alas, they'll die.

And all the crooks of Gotham shall say,

"That Tut was one heck of a guy."

(LAUGHING)

It's already hardening, Batman.

Follow my instructions precisely.

Press the back of your soles

against the side of the jar.

The heat from the chemical reaction of

the cement might trigger the Bat-jets.

(RATTLING)

(BOTH STRAINING)

(STRAINING)

(MEN GRUNT)

Your reign is over, Tut.

A pox on thee

and all your ancestors! (GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

Oh! (GROANING)

Huh. Oh. Where am I? Batman.

But if you're here that means...

Oh. Tut again?

I'm afraid so, Professor.

(SIGHS) Having a split personality

can be so inconvenient at times.

The boss's scheme is

falling into place.

Two-fold. Too bad

about the professor.

Eh, just grab the bag, and let's

get out of here. On the double.

The stolen loot was missing from

the crime scene, Caped Crusaders.

And no sign of

the biplane either.

Holy Amelia Earhart!

Where do you hide a biplane?

Tell us what you know, Professor.

PROFESSOR McELROY: Oh, I wish I knew,

gentlemen. Honestly, I do.

You expect us

to believe that malarkey?

Remember, Chief, King Tut committed

the crime. Not this poor pathetic soul.

When he's knocked on the head,

he forgets everything he did as Tut.

I think I get your meaning,

Boy Wonder. (CHUCKLES)

Ow. How dare you

assault my royal presence?

Where'd you hide the goods,

you felonious pharaoh?

Fie on thee!

My secrets are as impenetrable

as any vault in the Great Pyramids.

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