Balls Out: The Gary Houseman Story Page #5

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- No.

So I've been watching some of your

junior year work against Southpoint.

Watch this and tell me what's wrong.

Get your damn head in the game!

Yeah, Mike. Pull your damn head

out of your ass!

- My approach shot was down the middle?

- No, that's fine.

And forget that bullshit about

always approaching to the backhand.

Down the middle takes away passing angles.

- My approach shot was too soft?

- That's not it.

I should've sliced my approach

to keep it low.

Forget the f***ing approach shot!

Look at your footwork.

You run to the net like a maniac.

You can't cut off his angles.

Do you know what a split-step is?

- I'm not sure.

- I'll show you.

Okay, I start off to the net,

and just as my opponent hits the ball,

I stop. Just for a second.

Now, I can volley in any direction.

And if the cocksucker decides to get tricky

and throws up a lob,

my momentum is already stopped

and I can just back-pedal into

a Jimmy Connors sky-hook overhand.

End of story.

Okay. Yeah, I'll work on that.

Good, because

if we're gonna beat Southpoint,

you've got to take out

that swinging dick Tommy Tremble.

By the way, was that your dad

yelling on the tape?

Yeah. He's pretty competitive.

- And the boy?

- That's my little brother, Ronny.

I've been there, man.

You were at that match?

No, I mean I had a dad with a cob up his ass

and a brother with a fresh mouth.

Anyways...

Now, Miss Sanchez. Portuguese.

Thank you for waiting.

Can I take your order, please?

Yeah, give me two cheeseburgers,

two fish sandwiches,

three large fries

and a large strawberry shake.

- Would you like a hot apple pie with that?

- Yeah, okay.

Here we go, Gary.

Your first day as head coach.

I feel awesome.

Like I'm walking on sunshine.

And this food is so damn tasty.

And you better believe this meal's

gonna feel twice as good coming out

as it did going in.

Come on, guys. Bring it in, men.

Let's go, boys, bring it in.

In my hand I hold every match score sheet

and tournament draw sheet

this team has played in

over the past 20 years.

Seven years ago, you qualified for state

and finished in 11th place.

Rad. That's your one and only

highlight, gentlemen.

Anyone want to go through your lowlights?

I didn't think so.

Nibby! What is all this?

Our records?

- How about it, Chang?

- Crap.

Well, I guess that's true.

Cappy, what the hell is all this crap?

- The past.

- That's right! It's the past.

Yes, it's sh*t. But it's past sh*t.

Does anyone wanna know what I think

about all these sh*t showings?

Raise your hand if you want to know

what I think about all this sh*t!

- What do you think about that, Cappy?

- I'm not sure.

A purging! That's what we need!

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