Bal-27 Warfare

FADE IN:

INT. DROPSHIP - SOUTH KOREA

IT IS THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2054. JACK MITCHELL and WILL IRONS are TWO MARINES GEARING UP FOR COMBAT THAT'S RIGHT OORAH MOTHERFUCKERS.

JACK MITCHELL:

We come into this world with our eyes closed. The most of us choose to live our whole lives that way. We blindly follow anyone that will lead us, giving ourselves over to --

WILL IRONS:

Hey Jack, you're mumbling purple prose to yourself again.

JACK MITCHELL:

Oh sorry, I was just reminiscing about us being best friends and having joined the military six months ago.

WILL IRONS:

While we're on that topic, why'd you join up?

JACK MITCHELL:

Seriously, best friend? In all our time together, this has never come up? Not even when we enlisted AT THE SAME TIME?

WILL IRONS:

Apparently not! I joined to get away from my father.

JACK MITCHELL:

Oh really? Is he opposed to the armed forces? Did you need an escape from a suffocating environment? Was there any sort of --

WILL IRONS:

I joined to get away from my father! That's all I've got!

They meet up with their PLATOON for a briefing from SERGEANT CORMACK.

SERGEANT CORMACK

Everybody listen up! North Korea has invaded Seoul!

JACK MITCHELL:

So OPLAN 5027 is in effect? Did political talks fall apart? Is there a resolution from the United Nations? Have there been any --

SERGEANT CORMACK

NORTH KOREA HAS INVADED SEOUL! Stop trying to find a deep plot in all this!

JACK MITCHELL:

Threw a dart at a list of vague future conflicts, did you?

SERGEANT CORMACK

Yes. And this is indeed the future, so you've all been outfitted with exosuits. Among other things, they'll allow you to jump twenty feet in the air.

JACK MITCHELL:

A double jump? Ouch, that must've played merry hell with the level designers if they could no longer use guard rails or waist-high crates as invisible walls.

SERGEANT CORMACK

Also your gun 3D prints bullets because why not.

MITCHELL and WILL join CORMACK in a DROP POD.

JACK MITCHELL:

Oh f***, drop pods? Those things never touch down without incident.

SERGEANT CORMACK

Has any vehicle ever done that in a Call of Duty game? Seriously, I don't think anyone still knows how to land anything.

EXT. SEOUL - SOUTH KOREA

The DROP POD deposits MITCHELL, WILL and CORMACK into SEOUL after AN INCIDENT DURING THE DESCENT, OBVIOUSLY.

SERGEANT CORMACK

I'll give you a proper objective in a bit, but for now, just shoot at KPA soldiers until they die from it.

JACK MITCHELL:

We come into this world with our eyes closed. The most of us choose to live our whole lives that way. We blindly follow anyone that will lead us, giving ourselves over to --

SERGEANT CORMACK

Why the F*** are you repeating that crap? Are you making an awkward reference to all the times Call of Duty games used a "Follow" marker?

JACK MITCHELL:

My bad. I went to change some video settings so I had to run through the loading cinematic again. Never thought I'd say this, but now I actually miss the dry military briefings of the previous games.

On their way into THE CITY, they encounter a group of MERCENARIES working for ATLAS, a PRIVATE MILITARY CORPORATION. They are being led by GIDEON.

JACK MITCHELL:

Ohoo, look what the cat dragged in! Some PMC mercenary pussies! In it for the money instead of God and country!

GIDEON:

Hey, we're supposed to buck that trend and be on friendly terms here.

JACK MITCHELL:

Whoops, I'm sorry! Sure is rough out there, eh? All the best to you guys!

SERGEANT CORMACK

Time for a proper objective! A demolition team was on its way to take out a heavily armoured KPA gunship in the city, but they've gone radio silent. We have to find out what happened to them.

JACK MITCHELL:

I think I can guess.

They reach the KPA GUNSHIP and find the DEMOLITION TEAM DEAD NEARBY.

WILL IRONS:

Sir, we can still finish their mission! I volunteer to push through heavy enemy fire and retrieve their demolition packs!

SERGEANT CORMACK

You're a brave man, Irons. Mitchell, go with him.

JACK MITCHELL:

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?

WILL IRONS:

Also, I'll expect you to actually pick up the demolition packs.

MITCHELL retrieves the DEMO PACKS and hands one to WILL, who plants it INSIDE THE GUNSHIP. The ACCESS PANEL then SLAMS SHUT ON HIS ARM.

WILL IRONS:

Oh no, I'm stuck and the gunship's lifting off! Mitchell, you have to go!

JACK MITCHELL:

You can't do this!

WILL IRONS:

You don't have a choice, Mitchell! It's a Call of Duty game!

JACK MITCHELL:

No, I mean you can't expect this valiant sacrifice to have any powerful meaning! We're supposed to be best friends and I feel like I just met you! Quick, give me something!

WILL IRONS:

I did say "See you on the other side" while we were in that drop pod! Perhaps I can turn that into a poignant echo?

(So poignant)

I'll see you on the other side.

JACK MITCHELL:

Eh, good enough.

WILL shoves MITCHELL off the GUNSHIP right before it BLOWS UP.

JACK MITCHELL:

All the subtlety of a sledgehammer over here.

DEVELOPER SLEDGEHAMMER GAMES

What the f*** did you expect? Incidentally, remember how we also made Dead Space, a game all about dismemberment? Well, we just couldn't help ourselves.

A PIECE OF WRECKAGE from the GUNSHIP PINS MITCHELL and SEVERS HIS ARM.

JACK MITCHELL:

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