Baked in Brooklyn Page #4

and I'll get to, like,

live--capital L--

in a way I haven't before.

Plus, I'll have stuff

to write about,

which would be cool

in that I want to be a writer.

It's honestly kind of perfect,

right?

- I don't know.

- But, like,

here's the main thing:

my chances

of getting caught are,

like, relatively slim, right,

which, you know,

is maybe f***ed up,

but it's true

statistically speaking.

It's totally true.

- I mean, like--

- And I hate smoking weed,

so it's not like I'll smoke

all my product or something.

- Oh, boy.

- And you will be

on a very specific ration,

so you also will not smoke

all of my product.

[laughs]

Seriously though,

anything I would want to get

is, like,

totally impossible right now.

- I don't believe that

for two seconds.

- Well, if you play

your cards right

and earn it, maybe

you'll get a discount.

- I know how to earn it.

- Oh, yeah?

- I know exactly how to earn it.

[tense music]

- They're here.

- Hi, David Shapiro.

David.

Hey, how's it going?

So, like, are you guys

pretty busy today with deals?

- What do you need?

- How much is an ounce?

- 370.

- Okay, then I guess let me

get...

2 ounces.

Is there a bulk discount?

- Two isn't bulk, B.

[both speaking Spanish]

Si.

[speaks Spanish]

[siren wailing in distance]

- I wish I had, like, a button

I could press to make

a tumbleweed roll by,

you know, like in situations

where nothing else is happening.

Oh, what was the strain called?

- Green Kush.

- Green Kush, okay.

Do you have any other strains?

- Not at the moment.

- Is there a time of year

that weed is in season

and it costs less?

- Is this kid for real?

- You know, when you buy

different vegetables

at different times of the year,

they cost different amounts

because they go in and out

of season, you know?

- Bruto, weed isn't a vegetable.

Doesn't work that way.

[both speak Spanish]

David, I'd like

to explain something to you.

And it's not because I like you

or because I think you're cute,

but solely because

the more customers

that buy from me,

the better it is for me.

But I got this feeling

that you're not gonna

be my customer for that long,

so I need you to listen.

You need to shut the f*** up.

You need to keep your mouth

closed and shut the f*** up.

I know that you're gonna

be selling to people,

and you're gonna just

be telling your life story,

but you need to cut

that sh*t out right now,

or you're gonna get popped.

And stop smiling like you're

in a motherfucking day care,

or I'll rob you.

The only reason I'm not

robbing you right now

is because of her,

and I'll probably make more

off of you in the long run

than I can take off

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