Bad Milo!

Synopsis: Duncan is an average guy who works at an average office job. But he starts to get pains in his stomach whenever he feels stressed out. Things get worse every time he tries to just hide his stress, by burying it inside. It all comes to a head when that "stress" is turned in to an actual little beast that exits his body via his butt and takes revenge on the things that stress him out. But it soon starts to threaten the one thing he loves, his wife.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Jacob Vaughan
Production: Magnolia Pictures
  1 win & 4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
85 min

Pick up. Pick up, pick up,

pick up, pick up, pick up!

Sarah! Sarah!

Duncan, what happened to you?

Good. You're okay.

Go down to the basement.

Right now.

Oh, my God!

What is that?

Do it now! Hurry!

Goddamn it!

And there she blows.

Mr. and Mrs. Hayslip,

take a look.

What is it?

It's definitely something

the doctor should look at.

- He'll be with you in a moment.

- Thank you.



Familial adenomatous polypsis.

It's a polyp.

Oh, it sounds really bad.

That sounds bad.

You got a thing in your butt.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

You got a little trooper

in your pooper.

- You don't need him there.

- Is it serious?

It's... it's not that bad.

It's not that serious.

This though,

this is a weird shape.

This is concerning me a little,

but not overly.

Look, in the end,

this lump in your colon

is most likely due to PSM

which is poor stress management.

Look, how long have you had

stomach issues?

- Um, for... ever.

- Mmmmm.

Yeah, he's in the bathroom a lot.

Not, I mean not, not a lot.

I'm in the bathroom

a decent amount of time,

but not like, it's not extreme.

- How often is a lot?

- Hour, hour and a half.

Yeah, about 90 minutes.

That's not, that's...

hugely concerning.

Over the course of

the day, not...

Okay, good thing is,

we can do something about this.

It's an endoscopic polypectomy.

Basically, we insert a camera,

into the anus.

- Okay

- Right?

There's an electrified

wire loop at the end of it,

and we...

...pop it off,

like a plum off a tree.

Being pulled

by an electrified wire loop.

Okay. Okay, I get it.

You don't have to...

You don't have to

describe it anymore.

Do you have a family history

of G.I. problems?

Uh, well, you know, my mom

would gladly tell you

that she's, um, you know, regular

like clockwork.

One of those.

What about your father?

Uh, well, we don't speak.

I haven't spoken to him

in sometime. So...

Look, I think what you're going

to need is some coping mechanisms,

so I can give you the name

of some professionals

- that can help you out.

- Are you talking about a therapist?

Oh, I'm nut...

I'm not a therapy guy.

We can get there.

We'll do it. We'll call him.

Great. Stop by the desk

on your way out.

Talk to Nancy about

scheduling a follow-up.

Until then, you take it down.

- No stress. Keep it quiet.

- Right.

No stress.

Keep it cool.

No stress.

I'm sorry.

Um, hello?

This is my office.

You might be in the wrong office.

Hey. Hey, guys.

Just take that all

down the hall and to the left.

Lucky day, Dunc. New office.

Part of the new job. What?

New job?

Human resources.

I'm an accountant. I don't know

the first thing about humans.

Come on, it's just temporary.

You're far too valuable an accountant

to keep in H.R. permanently.

I'd love to help. I just don't know

if I'm the right man for the job.

- Do you believe in this company?

- Yes.

- Believe in our mission statement?

- Yes.

Our employees are also our clients.

Of course.

Our clients trust us because

we put our own skin in the game.

- I'm in the game.

- I'm in the game, too.

Your retirement account is here.

Mine is here. We're in this together.

Right. Right. Right.

Which is why I need you

to handle the layoffs.


- You're a nice guy, Dunc.

- Thank you.

Which is exactly what we need

right now.

A nice guy, and we gotta

let some people go,

and you just said

you're a team player.

I am a team player,

it's just that I don't...

I don't... I've never fired

anybody before in my life.

It's easy, you'll love it.

I'm so glad you're on board.

Um, I'll be sad to see you go.


So. Your new office.

This is a bathroom.

It was a bathroom, and now

it is an office for two.

Hey, there, cubie.

That's what I'm saying

instead of roomie.

Dunc, you know Alistair.

Um... yeah.

Uh, Duncan, I need you and AI

to work on a re-org chart

and uh, I'm going to need to

see that first thing next week.

Next week? I still have to

deal with the Darcy accounts.

I have... The board of directors

asked me to make a presentation.

- I have to get that done by Monday.

- You got Alistair.

You got it covered.

Hey, uh, cubie.

You think these toilets

are still functional?

Would save us a lot of trips

down the hall.



And don't forget

we have dinner with your mother

tonight at 6 pm.

Thank you for doing

this therapy thing.

I think it's gonna help.

His name's Dr. Oliver Highsmith,

and I think you're really

gonna like him.

I know you think

all therapists are crazy,

but I think this guy

is totally legit.

I hope it goes well, doughnut.

Lactose intolerant.

Just like myself.

I am not...

Did I... did I write that I was?

- You checked it, yes.

- I meant no, I'm not.

I don't get it, you meant no

when you say yes?

I think it was just a mistake.

I am not lactose intolerant.

Okay, don't make it a big issue.

I'm sorry.

What's happening?

Witch doctor.

Witch doctor.

Shut up!!

Please, don't listen to him.

He thinks he knows everything

about everybody.

I can't stand him sometimes.

It's like...

All right then.

Let's get started.

I want you to

come over here.

Lay down. Relax.

Uh, what... what far?

What you came here for.

Hypnosis. Not?

Oh... No.

I want to bypass

your conscious mind

to access your subconscious mind.


Where the real you might be.

The true you.

A light and consistent stroke

over the forehead

from temple to temple

relaxes the patient.


No, I act... I actually don't know

if this is right for me.

I mean, I'm only here

because of my wife.

Uh, no offense, I'm just not...

I just don't believe in hypnosis.

How about we do this,

how about we just pretend...

I'll pay you, and we'll pretend

that I'm making progress.

I don't need your money.

- I didn't mean to offend you.

- I'm not offended.

I'm just sad.


I'm here on Earth

to help people.

Well, thank you for coming.

Would you mind if I, uh...

if I took off?


You've gotta be...

We're done.

I just want to thank you two

for being so supportive.

It's kind of been a rough time.

A lot of stress at work.

It has been, it's been a crazy

couple of weeks at work.

Well, we love seeing you guys.

And Bobby just, you know,

he loves to cook.

Oh, I do, I do.

Oh, Mom, don't.


Oh. That is not the spiciest

dish at the table.


Well, thank you so much

for the food, Bobby.

- Duncan?

- Yeah?

You can call me Dad.

Or Daddy.

- No need to.

- Papa.

- Bobby is good with me.

- You know what?

Don't call me Daddy.

That's reserved for somebody else.


That must be our special guest.

- Special guest?

- I don't know...

Dunkie. I can't imagine

what it must be like for you.

Growing up without a male

to look up to.

To know what males

should act like.

Every now and then

it's a little obvious.

- Everybody.

- Sort of... girlie.

This is Dr. Lawrence Tip,

and he runs the Tip Center

for Fertility.

That's right.

And we're doing really well.

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Benjamin Hayes

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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