Bad Apples Page #3

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It's right by here and well,

he was caught cavorting

with his students.

Yeah.

Kids, just children, really.

Well, thank you for the pie.

Oh yeah, yeah,

you're so welcome.

Um (chuckles).

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Oh, God damn it.

Hey, I'm back.

Hard at work I see.

(somber music)

Honey, I'm home.

Sh*t!

I'm beginning to

question your work ethic.

Can't hold your breath forever.

Fine, if that's how

you wanna play it.

Ass, turn it off.

You ruined my perfectly

relaxing bath.

[Robert] That

was my intention.

Ass.

You said that already.

I was taking a break.

From working oh so hard.

Yeah, I got a lot

of unpacking done.

Not, I saw one box in the

living room that was empty.

Did you check the kitchen?

No, should I have?

If you had checked the

kitchen, you presumptuous fool,

you would've seen the results

of the bulk of my labor.

And, I guess I'm just

supposed to take a report.

You're my husband.

You're supposed to take my

word on everything always.

Oh Christ, is that

what I signed up for,

blind suppositions

and constant nagging?

Constant nagging, my ass.

Get out!

No.

[Robert] But, I totally

(mumbles) the temperature buzz

with that water stunt.

Actually, it's

quite comfortable.

I think you should get in.

I should most definitely

not do as you are suggesting.

Because I got a trunk full of

pumpkins that need retrieving

then carving before I gotta

haul ass to the hospital.

Pumpkins not pumpkin,

meaning plural?

Plethora.

Oh God.

[Robert] I can't be trusted

when seasonally shopping.

What can I say, I

festive by nature.

Well, I've made a decision.

About what?

I think that you

must take a dip.

What?

No, no, no.

(Ella giggles)

Yes.

General etiquette lesson,

just putting this out there.

If you're going to dunk

someone in a tub of water

against their will, it is

just polite to have a towel

waiting for them.

A real towel, not a hand towel

the size of a

Muppet's loincloth.

You drew first blood.

My actions were

purely reactionary.

What the hell are these doing

in the dining room, anyway?

You gonna help me with

these pumpkins now?

Must I?

For better or worse.

This truly falls into

the latter category.

Depends how you look at it.

Where's the blow dryer

and my cardigan?

(school bell ringing)

You know these chairs

should have your names on 'em.

You're up here sitting

in 'em so much.

Your teacher asked you politely

to please remove the masks.

Politely.

Like a human being.

Principal Dale, I'm

gonna take my lunch now.

That's fine.

Just let me know

when you get back.

Okay.

Did you see what I did there?

That was being human.

(heart beating)

All right, you need

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