Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Synopsis: Dr. Evil uses a device he calls a "Time Machine" to travel back to 1969 and remove Austin Powers' mojo. The sexually wounded swinger must travel back in time and, with the help of agent Felicity Shagwell, recover his vitality. Meanwhile, Dr. Evil's personal life runs amok as he discovers love, continues to shun his son and develops a close relationship with himself. Well, actually, a clone 1/8 his size whom he dubs "Mini-Me". The always time-baffled Dr. Evil begins his plan to put a gigantic cannon on the moon, thus turning it into a device called either "The Death Star" or "Alan Parson's Project," depending on which name is available.
Director(s): Jay Roach
Production: New Line Cinema
  Nominated for 1 Oscar. Another 18 wins & 29 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
95 min

Houston, this is Condor.

We are doing an E.V.A.

of the payload.

We are about to present

the module with--

What the--

Oh, my gentle Jesus.

Houston...we have a problem.

Launch procedure commence.

Oh, God!

And Im spent.

Do you smoke after sex?

I don't know, baby.

I never looked.

Oh, Austin!

What shall we do now?

Well, Ive got an idea.

Why dont we shag?


-Sure, baby.

We're only up to chapter eleven

in the "Kama Sutra."

Dont you want to try

the wheelbarrow...

or the praying donkey...

or the Chinese shag swing?

Im going to get us

some more champagne, jungle boy.

Im going to get us

some more champagne, jungle boy.

Are you OK?

Ive never felt better, Austin.

All right, then.

Im just gonna go watch a movie.

"In Like Flint."

That's my favorite movie.


What's going on?

I don't know what you mean,


Im the same Vane--

You must be--

Tu imaginacion

esta jugando con ti, querido.

Oh, my God!

You're a fembot!

No sh*t, Sherlock!

Machine gun jubblies?

How did I miss those, baby?

Perhaps next time

you should try foreplay.

Right. Oh, my God!

Here's your wedding present,

Mr. Powers.

A kamikaze bride from me--

Dr. Evil.

Oh, thank God.

I can't believe Vanessa...

my bride...

my one true love...

the woman who taught me

the beauty of monogamy...

was a fembot all along.

Wait a tick.

That means Im single again!

Oh, behave!


Yeah, baby, yeah!


Yeah, baby, yeah!


How are you?

Good to see you.

What's that?

Yes. Yeah, that.

Good one, man.

What's goin' on here?

Good to see you guys.

Good to see you.

Rabbis, how are you?

Nice meat.

Photo op.


Yeah, baby.

Keep a close eye

on that Kreplachistan situation.

Yes, sir.

Jerry! Jerry!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

If you just joined us,

today's topic is...

My father is evil, and he

wants to take over the world.

OK, let's meet Scott Evil.

Hi, Scott.

Nice to have you with us.

Tell us about your father.

My dad is the head of

a worldwide evil organization...

with aspirations

of world domination.

Pretty serious stuff.

Where is he now?

He's, like,

cryogenically frozen...

orbiting the earth or something.

That's what you think.

We have a surprise for you.

Let's bring out

Scott's father Dr. Evil!



we've got a situation here.

What is it, Sergeant?

Hello, Scott.

Daddy's back.

How could you do this to me,

on national television?

Well, throw me

a frickin' bone here, Scott.

Why'd you run out on me?

Because you're not quite

evil enough.

Well, it's true.

You're quasi-evil.

You're semi-evil.

You're the margarine of evil.

You're the Diet Coke of evil.

Just one calorie.

Not evil enough.

What are you,

some kind of freak?

-Shut up, you--

-OK, come on.

Ill kick your...punk.

Bring it on, skanky--

All right, come on.

No one talks to my son

like that. It's OK, Scott.

You mother--

You were born in your mother's--

Im OK. All right.

You were born in your mother's--

Ill kill you both!

There you go!


I got your hood!

Settle down.

Its OK.

Its only a television show.

Calm down.

Im all right. Im easy.

-Everything OK?


Get this jerk out of here.

Ill give you--piece of--

He's biting me! biting me!

The world is mine, you--

You've got mail.

Hello, Basil.

Hello, Austin.

How was your honeymoon?

It turns out

that Vanessa was a fembot.

Yes. We knew all along, sadly.

Anyway, I have

a new assignment for you.

You're scheduled for

a photo shoot...

and one of the models

works for Dr. Evil.

Groovy, baby!

Shaguar, ho!

Show me to the models, baby.

Let the magic begin.

Who have we got today?

OK, great.

Austin Powers,

Ive heard a lot about you.

Im Rebecca Romijn.

I don't believe

Ive had the pleasure.

Well, of course

you haven't had...

the pleasure, Rebecca.

We just met, baby. Yeah.

Who are you, baby?


Ivana Humpalot.

Excuse me?

And I vanna toilet

made out of solid gold...

but it's just not

in the cards, is it?

You know...

OK, everyone, let's get started.

Yes, beautiful. Feeling it!

Let's get some smiles.

Its all in here.

That's it. Yes!

Let's let the inside out.

OK, you're an animal!

Yes, there we go.

You're a tiger!

You're Tony the Tiger!

You're grrreat!

Very good. Loving it.

Now you're a lemur.

Running as a pack.

We go left.

We go right.

There's a predator

out of the jungle.

What's going on?


That's right, youre a lemur.

That's all you've got.

You don't have sharp teeth

capable of biting.

Make an interconnected series

of tunnels like the Viet Cong.

And look.

Im not even shooting you.

Its crazy.

And Im spent.

Right, thats a wrap, everyone.

Miss Humpalot.

Da, darling?

Shall we?

Give me moment, hmm?

Dr. Evil, several years ago...

we invested in a small

Seattle-based coffee company.

Today Starbucks offers

premium quality coffee...

at affordable prices.


If we shift our resources...

away from evil empires

and towards Starbucks...

we can increase

our profits five-fold.

Number Two,

I make the decisions here, OK?

I demand a little respect.

Dr. Evil,

you have a little of the...


I will not tolerate

your insolence!

Frau Farbissina,

wie geht es ihnen?

Sehr gut, Herr Doktor.

How are things?

I have come to embrace the love

that dare not speak its name.

To my right is my lover.

We met at the LPGA Tour.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Mike Myers

Michael John "Mike" Myers is a Canada-born actor, comedian, screenwriter, director, and film producer, who also holds UK and US citizenship. more…

All Mike Myers scripts | Mike Myers Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 May 2024. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.