Ask the Dust Page #4

Mr. Bandini. You have mail.

"Dear Mr. Bandini,

with your permission,

"I shall remove the salutation

and ending of your very long letter

"and print it as a short story

for my magazine.

"It seems you've done a fine job here.

"I think 'The Land of Somewhere Else'

would serve as an excellent title.

"Check enclosed.

Sincerely yours, H.L. Mencken.

"P.S. As to your anxieties

about your limited experiences

"with life in general

and women in particular,

"it is, alas, a truism that authors

generally have less experience

"than other men.

"This owing to the incontestable fact

"that you simply can't be

in two places at once, Mr. Bandini.

"Either you're in front

of the typewriter, writing,

"or you're out in the world

having experiences.

"Therefore, since you need to write

and you need to have experiences

"to write about,

you have to learn to do more with less.

"And doing more with less is,

in a word, Mr. Bandini,

"what writing is all about."

Still mad at me?

Not that I know of.

Well, would you like

to order something?

A cigar. Something from Havana.

They're a quarter.

Keep the change.

- I said keep the change.

- Not from you.

You're poor.

Don't I look different?

I thought you'd like my shoes.

They're very nice.

How about something to drink?

Scotch highball.

Saint James.

Sammy, get me a highball.

Saint James.

You've changed.

Before you were just mean.

Now that you've got a couple of bucks,

you're mean and stuck-up.

Forty cents.

Well, you haven't changed.

You're just the same little

Mexican princess,

- charming and innocent.

- I'm not charming and I'm not innocent.

To me you'll always be a sweet

little peon, a flower girl from old Mexico.

You dago son of a b*tch!

I'm just as American as you are.

Or at least I will be

as soon as I pass my test.

Sure you will,

just as soon as you learn how to read.

Take off those shoes.

My legs are not good enough for them?

They're not good enough for your legs.

Sorry what I called you.

I didn't mean what I said.

I didn't either.

- You got a car?

- No.

I do. It's in the parking lot.

It's a '27 convertible.

The stuffing, it's a little bit

out of the upholstery, but it runs.

I'm off at 11:
00.

Camilla Lombard?

Arturo.

- This is Sammy.

- Hi.

Are you coming?

Have a good night.

Be right back.

Who is he?

Sammy? Just a friend.

What kind of a friend?

A good one.

He got me my job.

- They let the bartender hire you?

- Sammy's not just the bartender.

Oh, yeah?

What else is he, a concert pianist?

Listen, Arturo,

you're not the only writer in town.

- Sammy's a writer?

- You'd be surprised.

I'd be surprised

if he could write his name.

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