Ask Me Anything Page #3

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You're very welcome.

You know, it's the first book

I've read since second grade

that was... You know, like,

wasn't for school.

Yeah, that's the way it is

these days, I guess.

So sad.

I know.

I can't imagine life

without great books.

It's as close to the angels

as I get.

What do you mean?

Well, for me, reading

is a transcendent experience.

Hmm.

What does that mean, exactly?

What, "transcendence"?

It means beyond

the physical realm.

It's a spiritual experience.

I get it from great literature,

great paintings,

classical music, all the arts.

What about classical art films,

like Fellini or Buuel?

Sure.

Cool.

I knew it from the start

You would break my heart

But I fell for you

No matter how hard

I try

Change what's inside

You are all I need

Dan didn't even call

to say goodbye.

You're the fire

in my heart

If I don't get a car now,

I'll never see him again.

Look at the size

of that blue-gummed dummy.

So, what's up?

Well, it's been really,

really hard

ever since all my friends left

to go to college.

And I just...

I've been sitting at home

all the time.

I have no ride.

I can't get anywhere.

And I'm just...

Tell the witch to buy you a car.

No, she won't do it.

She thinks I'm so much like you,

she thinks I'm just going

to drink a bunch of beers

and hit a tree.

Sanctimonious c*nt.

If she had her way

we'd all be drinking holy water.

Out of the pope's jockstrap.

Did you come up with that?

No, you did.

No wonder.

What about peckerhead?

Why can't he squire you around?

Well, because we broke up

last night.

How come?

He's been pressuring me to,

you know,

like, go all the way,

and I'm just not ready yet.

Sh*t. Must have done

something right.

Daddy...

my whole life,

you said you would buy me a car

when I graduated.

Please keep your promise.

Please, Daddy, just this once.

Please.

And you promised me you'd stay

my little angel forever.

You'd never grow up.

Now look at you.

Tits and everything.

Hey, uh, Joel Seidler here.

I'm not sure if you remember me.

I'm tall and muscular,

and I played football.

No, wait,

that's my diametric opposite.

I'm the short, depressed Jew

who tutored you in math.

Anyway, I'm a senior

at Princeton now,

and I'm taking a semester off.

I heard that you were around.

Call me or text me, whatever.

I'm back, b*tch!

Thank God Jade's home

from visiting her grandmother

in Greece.

Jade's pretty much

my only female friend now.

There was a rumour last year

that Jade and I were dykes.

I have no idea why.

I want your tits!

I want your ass!

I want your skin!

I want your ass!

I'm finding it true

When I'm hanging

around you

I think it's easy

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