Arthur Christmas Page #4

get to be Santa unless you knock him off.

l've got you all a present.

After all the hard work, l wanted everyone

to have some Christmas fun.

-l'm Santa!

-No, no, l'm Santa. lt's ridiculous.

-You just took the piece out of my hand.

-Well, l am actually Santa...

...so l think l should have it.

-Yes. You're the nonexecutive figurehead.

-Exactly.

-Figurehead.

-lt means...

...a fatty with a beard who fits the suit.

The other pieces are good too.

Or l can make extra Santas

for everyone.

Why don't you be the candle, Steve?

All those bright ideas, eh?

Fine. l'm the candle,

Arthur's the turkey...

...and you, Father,

are, of course, Santa.

Grandsanta, you can be

this charming relic.

"Relic"? "Relic"?

l did the whole of Christmas

in one of these, Arthur.

Oh, yes. l didn't need

a trillion elves in bleepy hats.

We don't fly about...

...throwing lead-painted toys

down chimneys anymore.

That space sends you back...

-...to Lapland.

-Malcolm, where did you get those?

Just moving things along. Do l win?

Cheats, the pair of you!

Mum, are you okay?

Polar bear, dear. Attacked me on the ice.

Good l did that online survival course...

-...or there'd be one less for turkey.

-Christmas has...

...gone right down the rodney hole.

You're a postman with a spaceship.

My S-1 festivized the world

at 1 860 times the speed of sound.

Christmas 1 941 , World War ll...

...did the whole thing with

six reindeer and a drunken elf!

l was shot at, Arthur.

Took 1 2 direct hits.

Lost three reindeer.

What happened...

-...to the elf?

-Fell out of the sleigh over Lake Geneva.

Never saw him again.

Goodness. Now....

"Christmas crackers.

Sing 'Silent Night' backwards."

Who'd know that?

l went on alone.

l could still do it now, Arthur.

Just give me a go!

-ln a heap of sticks.

-"Heap of--"?

Let me up and at him!

l'll show you, Robby the Robot!

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

l'll have that back.

-Would have won anyway.

-What?

Oh, yeah. Run away...

...now you're losing!

Steve!

Steve.

Don't be upset. Look.

You keep this.

Then you can be Santa next time.

That'll be you there, Steve.

Next year...

...l bet.

You'll be great.

How many times, Arthur?

lt's the North Pole. Shut the doors.

l secured the gift.

-Gift secured!

-Just can't be.

The system is foolproof.

lt has to be an error, sir.

"Error"?

l spotted the ribbon

glinting in the shadows.

l am actually...

...trained in wrapping.

And l said to myself, "Bryony, the

wrapping looks okay. Thank goodness.

But that present should not

be lying in the--"

-Thank you, soldier.

-Has someone...

...got the wrong present? That's awful.

-Whose is it?

-No one...

...gets the wrong...

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