Synopsis: Arthur is a happy drunk with no pretensions at any ambition. He is also the heir to a vast fortune which he is told will only be his if he marries Susan. He does not love Susan, but she will make something of him the family expects. Arthur proposes but then meets a girl with no money who he could easily fall in love with.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Steve Gordon
Production: Orion Pictures Corporation
  Won 2 Oscars. Another 9 wins & 6 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
97 min

Bitterman, stop the car!

Stop it, stop the car.

Girls! Girls!

Hello, girls!

Would the more attractive

of you please step forward?

God! That's funny!

No, actually,

you're both very attractive.

Would the one who thinks I'm

attractive please step forward?

Quickly as possible!

Time is money!

What'd you have in mind?

VD I'm really into penicillin.

Now that's funny!

Actually, what I had in mind...

...was spending the evening

with a stranger who loves me.

It's going to cost you $ 100.

Oh, yeah?

What time do you get off work?

No, I'm kidding!

Let's make it $200.

But I will ask you to Simoniz my car.

Has there been a death

in your family?

This is funny stuff here.

Let's go.

Bitterman, give her...

...give her friend $ 100.

She came in second.

Who is that guy?

I'd rather not say.

I think I know.

I saw his picture in the paper.

- That's Arthur Bach, isn't it?

- What if it is?

Is there something wrong with him?


Permit me to introduce myself.

Where in the hell's my hat?

It's on the floor.

I hate it when that happens.

I am Arthur.

I'm Gloria.

- I am Arthur.

- Yeah. What're you drinking?

Scotch. Would you like some?

Why not?

You're with me and

you can ask that question?

What's so funny now?

I sometimes just

think funny things!

What do you do for a living?

I race cars. I play tennis...

...I fondle women, but...

...I have weekends off

and I am my own boss.

The Plaza, and step on it!

Sir, if I may say so...

Go through the park.

You know how I love the park!

Can I have another drink?

Isn 't this fun?!

Isn 't fun the best thing to have?!

Don 't you wish you were me?

I know I do!

Isn't that Arthur Bach?

I fell out of the goddamned car!

Is that the funniest thing ever?!

Are you hurt, sir?

I fell out of the car!

Isn't that the funniest thing ever?

You had to be there, right?

You are quite amusing, sir.

Please get my drink.

After all, we're going to the bar.

Thank you so much.

Madame, I'm sorry,

but we have absolutely no...

Don't give me any stuff, buster!

It's all right,

the lady's with me.

Mr. Bach! How good to see you!

If only someone

I knew felt that way!

We have your regular table,

Mr. Bach.

I know you have it,

but is anyone sitting at it?

It's all right. They're used

to seeing me with the turtle.

Uncle Peter! And Aunt Pearl!

You're looking well.

Thank you!

Aunt Pearl, may I say

you're looking younger every day.

Doesn't Aunt Pearl

look wonderful, darling?

She looks great.

We haven't had the pleasure

of meeting this young woman.

Would you introduce us?

How stupid of me!

Princess Gloria, may I

introduce my aunt and uncle...

...Peter and Pearl Bach.

How are you?

Princess? Did you say

"Princess," Arthur?

There's a very small country

in the West Indies. I mean small.

I see. Thank you.

It's terribly small.

Tiny little country.

Rhode Island could

beat the crap out of it in a war.

That's how small it is.

It's small.

It's very little...

It's 85 cents in a cab

from one end to the other.

I'm talking small!

We understand it's small, Arthur.

They recently had

the whole country carpeted.

This is not a big place.

We understand that it's small, Arthur.

And we also understand

that you are very drunk.

So why don't we meet again

when you're sober?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I can't help it.

Grow up, Arthur.

You'd make a fine adult.

That's easy for you to say.

You haven't got

...hanging in your closet!

It's the regular table!

Wait a minute...

...regular chair.

How rich are you?

All I can tell you is...

...I wish I had a dime

for every dime I have.

The service here is terrible.

Where the hell's my drink?

- We just ordered!

- That's always their excuse.

Engine room,

where the hell's my drink?!

Are you married?

There's only one woman for me.

And I can't stand her.

Her name is Susan.

I can't tell you her last name.

It would be indiscreet.


Susan Johnson.

My father wants me to marry her...

...but I'm not going to!

You're the only woman at this table.

Sure, you bring her a bottle,

me you bring a glass.

Fine. Thank you very much.

Aren't waiters wonderful?

You ask them for things,

and they bring them.

Same principle as Santa Claus.

Tell me about yourself.

You mean, why I'm a hooker?

Are you a hooker?

Jesus, I forgot!

I thought I was

doing great with you.

Why are you a hooker?

My mother died when I was six.

Son of a b*tch!

Don't they know

what they do to kids?!

My father raped me when I was 12.

So you had six

relatively good years.

I'm sorry.

Listen, my father screwed me too.

Do you like me?

You're cute.

I know that!

But do you like me?

Well, Princess,

we're going to have fun!

Tonight is New Year's Eve!

Third time this week!

Here's to you!


Hello, darling.

Good morning.

Did you sleep well?

- Fine.

- Good.

Please stop that!

Hobson how good to see you!

- Thank you so much.

- Not at all.

I've taken the liberty of

anticipating your condition...

...and I've brought you orange juice,

coffee and aspirins.

Or do you need to throw up?

Gloria, I would like you

to meet Hobson.

My best friend in the world.

I relish the compliment.

It is thrilling to meet you, Gloria.

You obviously have a wonderful

economy with words, Gloria.

I look forward to your next

syllable with great eagerness.

As we all can see,

it's a lovely day.

Which would seem to indicate

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Steve Gordon

All Steve Gordon scripts | Steve Gordon Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Arthur" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Jun 2024. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer



    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.