Arachnophobia Page #3

Between you and me, Sam Metcalf

only recently gave up leeches.

He also recently gave up retirement.

We moved from San Francisco

with the understanding

that I would inherit all of his patients,

but now I have none.

No, Dr Jennings, you have one.

Honey, look at this light.

On the best day in the city,

we didn't get light like this.

Maybe they'll give me a show in town.

Don't they do that in little towns?

In the town hall?

"Molly Jennings, a retrospective."

Of course, I'll need to

take some pictures first.

There's good news and there's bad news.

Should we go in reverse-alphabetical

order and start with the good?

I'm seeing my first patient this afternoon.

She's a great old dame,

she lives just up the road.

Terrific. What's the bad news?

She's my only patient.

Today?

Metcalf changed his mind.

- What?

- Yeah.

He panicked, is what it is.

He decided that if he retires

he will lose his zest for life

and die within 48 hours or something.

But he told you.

We looked in 14 towns,

we bought a house,

you rented an office.

What are we going to do?

Kill him?

I have my fax machine.

I can work part-time from here.

A phone and a fax, that's all I need.

I'll call my old clients.

- Even with half my commissions...

- We're gonna be fine.

- Just like you said.

- With one patient?

Maybe I'll get lucky and all of her systems

will be ravaged by disease.

Kind of like having seven patients in one.

Fit as a fiddle.

Not a damn thing wrong with you.

Dr Jennings, I'm sorry.

What do you mean? Do you think I was

hoping you were ravaged by disease?

What about my high blood pressure?

You have above-normal systolic pressure,

which is less dangerous

than a diastolic elevation.

And yours is well below a level

that requires treatment.

Do I need these?

No.

See, there's a difference between

the two types of hypertension.

And in my opinion...

In my opinion, Dr Metcalf doesn't know

his ass from a hole in the ground.

But Canaima folks,

they're comfortable with him.

They weren't always, though.

When he first hit town just after the war,

everyone was terribly standoffish.

- How'd he overcome that?

- He threw a party, invited the whole town.

If Sam Metcalf were half as good

at medicine

as he is at public relations,

he could run for the next surgeon general.

That's it. Next month,

when the afternoons are cooler

we'll throw you a party.

Thanks.

So, your one patient,

is she a walking health hazard?

I couldn't even find a wart on her.

Great, so what do we do?

Enjoy the fact that since we

no longer live in San Francisco,

we no longer have to

refer to this as pasta.

- Skinny spaghetti.

- Daddy's not done.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote