Anything Goes

Synopsis: Bill Benson and Ted Adams are to appear in a Broadway show together and, while in Paris, each 'discovers' the perfect leading lady for the plum female role. Each promises the prize role to the girl they selected without informing the other until they head back across the Atlantic by liner - with each man having brought his choice along! It becomes a stormy crossing as each man has to tell his 'find' that she might not get the role after all.
Genre: Musical
Director(s): Robert Lewis
Production: Paramount Pictures
106 min

- Hi.

- Here he is.

Very large tonight.

What took you so long?

I was scraping off my makeup, tons of it.

Say, you two all right up there?

You know the problem, honey.

Any time you want a little of mine...

- Excuse me, darlings.

- Hello, Victor, how are you?

All right, Vic, it's a nice party. Hiya, Lottie.

- Hi, Mr. Benson.

- Check the billing!

Man, you went the full route, didn't you?

You know there's nothing I wouldn't do

for you, Bill.

- You hungry?

- No.

- Thirsty?

- I can wait a little bit.

Want a girl to...

- No, I'm too tired.

- Can I carry you?

- Victor, put your pen away, will you?

- Good evening, Bill.

Hi, Fritzi.

I told you I wasn't going to sign

a contract...

till I know who's going to play

the other fellow.

- We'll find somebody.

- It's not as simple as that.

We gotta have a fellow who's young,

who can sing, dance, act.

Leave it to me. It's easy.

It's easy, huh, Victor?

I don't know anybody like that.

Neither do I.

That's what's so exciting about it.

There's this unknown genius

waiting to be discovered somewhere...

- and we have no idea where he is.

- That's very exciting.

- What's that?

- Sounds like a raid.

Look who's here!

It's nobody, just Ted Adams.


Give them a break.

Here you are. Aren't they wonderful?

Thank you.

They really love me.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Hey, that was some reception, huh?

A year ago, nobody ever heard of him.

Fastest rise of anyone in television.

- Did you ever see him work?

- No, I live in a fringe area.

What kind of guest of honor are you?

They're all screaming for you.

- Come on!

- Why didn't you tell me?

Teddy, baby! Look here.

Hello, Victor.

I'm glad you didn't wait for me.

Do you hear that? Ad lib.

You know the boys.

Yes. Otto. Marty. Make yourself at home.

We can't stay very long. Tallulah's waiting.


Did you tell Bill that I've decided

to do the show with him?

- Yes.

- What did he say?

What did he say? What could he say?

He's crazy about the idea.

This is it.

It'll open the second act.

Why don't you try it?


Excuse me, darlings.

- Ted, you know Bill Benson.

- Sure.

- How do you do? Nice to see you, Ted.

- Thank you.

- See, I can't tell you how excited I am...

- He's a great fan of yours.

Oh, yes, ever since I was a kid.

Really, you don't know how excited

I was when Victor told me...

Yes, sir, a great fan.

How about the number?

Well, I've only just seen the verse,

but I'll take a hack at it.

They should erect a statue to the guy

Who first thought of hitting someone

with a pie

Call it hokum, hoke, or what you will

It sure got a laugh and they're laughing still

And nothing sounds quite as glorious

As a laugh that's real uproarious.

Cut, here. Time. This calls for two fellows.

I need another guy.

You do? Why don't you run through it

with him?

Thank you, darling.

Got it.

Give them elegant prose

Noel Coward bon mots

Yeah, and tres gay.

You'll get notices

But you'll go broke

If the hero's flustered

Hit him with a custard

You gotta give the people hoke.

Do your best tour jet

From a classic ballet

And they'll rush to the lobby and smoke

Add a tiny pratfall

And you'll be running that ball

You gotta give the people hoke

Now the critics may say it's trash

But trash or not, it's a smash

We've done it again

And the crowds are standing in line

'Cause Winchell thinks it's just fine

Every year at the Met

They go deeper in debt

You would think that it's time they awoke

They don't want Pagliacci

Give them Liberace

That would be a master stroke

You gotta give the people

The ticket-buyin' people

You gotta give the people hokum, hokum

You gotta give 'em hokum

We doubt if you'll get a laugh

By quoting all of Falstaff

But you'll get the loudest guffaws

By rapping all your in-laws

Though they can't tell you why

They just laugh till they cry

At the physical kind of a joke

Go ahead, son, take your best shot. Live!

Keep it good and corny

Maine or Californy

Idaho or Roanoke

You gotta give the people

The ticket-buyin' people

You gotta give the people hoke

- Hey, come on. Come on, let's go.

- Wait, wait, wait.

Let them cry a little. Milk it.

Here we go.

If someone's hit with a fish

You can think what you wish

But you'll probably laugh till you choke

You gotta give the people

The ticket-buyin' people

You gotta give the people hoke.

You gotta give the people

The ticket-buyin' people

You gotta give the people


- Listen to that, will you?

- Where did you dig them bits, anyhow, man?

- You were great!

- Was I really?

Oh, yeah.

How were you breaking them falls?

- With my veins.

- Bravo. Bravissimo.

Hey, wait a minute. Wait for me. Wait...

That's a pretty funny kid.

He's got a lot of talent, you know it?

He's not bad.

- Not bad? How's it, Eddie?

- Hi, Bill.

Had enough turkey?

Excuse me, darling.

Hey, I just got an idea, there.

What about this kid for the show?

- You mean Ted and you?

- Why not?

He sings, dances, acts, takes a beautiful fall.

He's never done a Broadway show before.

He's starring in his own television show.

- It's certainly an interesting idea, isn't it?

- Why, certainly.

- Am I interrupting?

- Why, no. Not at all.

I just wanted to tell you how excited I am

about our doing a show together.

I knew you would like him.

Of course, I'd love to do the show with you.

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Guy Bolton

Guy Reginald Bolton (23 November 1884 – 4 September 1979) was an Anglo-American playwright and writer of musical comedies. Born in England and educated in France and the US, he trained as an architect but turned to writing. Bolton preferred working in collaboration with others, principally the English writers P. G. Wodehouse and Fred Thompson, with whom he wrote 21 and 14 shows respectively, and the American playwright George Middleton, with whom he wrote ten shows. Among his other collaborators in Britain were George Grossmith Jr., Ian Hay and Weston and Lee. In the US, he worked with George and Ira Gershwin, Kalmar and Ruby and Oscar Hammerstein II. Bolton is best known for his early work on the Princess Theatre musicals during the First World War with Wodehouse and the composer Jerome Kern. These shows moved the American musical away from the traditions of European operetta to small scale, intimate productions with what the Oxford Encyclopedia of Popular Music calls, "smart and witty integrated books and lyrics, considered to be a watershed in the evolution of the American musical." Among his 50 plays and musicals, most of which were considered "frothy confections", additional hits included Primrose (1924), the Gershwins' Lady, Be Good (1925) and especially Cole Porter's Anything Goes (1935). Bolton also wrote stage adaptations of novels by Henry James and Somerset Maugham, and wrote three novels on his own and a fourth in collaboration with Bernard Newman. He worked on screenplays for such films as Ambassador Bill (1931) and Easter Parade (1948), and published four novels, Flowers for the Living (with Bernard Newman, 1958), The Olympians (1961), The Enchantress (1964) and Gracious Living (1966). With Wodehouse, he wrote a joint memoir of their Broadway years, entitled Bring on the Girls! (1953). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Anything Goes" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 Apr. 2024. <>.

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