An Unmarried Woman

Jesus Christ! Look at this.

My sneaker's ruined!

- They're only $35.

- F***ing city's turned into

one big pile of dog sh*t!

Come on out and take a crap on me!

Everybody else is! F***.

- Give it back to the poodles.

- What's the point of jogging

for two and a half miles?

Giving yourself lung cancer.

Tell you somethin', Erica.

The longer I'm married to you...

the more you sound like my mother.

Clean your own sneaker.

- You wanted me to step in it.

- You're going crazy, Martin.

- Yeah?

- Yes.

Why would I want you to step in dog sh*t?

Well, that's a good question.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not your mother.

- You know.

- Yeah.

Listen, do you think we got time

for a little quickie?

I got about 11 minutes.

Hey, come on!

Gimme a break here.

I'm gettin' frostbite.

Jesus, I got to quit smoking.

- I saw Jacobs on Tuesday. Did I tell you?

- Uh-uh.

Yeah, I went in

for my annual physical.

How are you?

Fine.

You sound surprised.

Well, you know,

I go up there for the damn thing...

and my blood pressure goes up 20 points

from the anxiety of having to take the exam.

- What are you doing today?

- Working at the gallery.

Oh, yeah.

Goin'to school.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, sweetie.

- Hi.

Hmm.

Did the earth move?

Bye.

I'm telling you,

we expose that kid to too much.

- Well, we still lock the door.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Have a good time. See you tonight.

- Mm-hmm.

"Tonight, the ballet worid

was introduced...

"to a brilliant new talent

"the long-awaited debut

of Erica Benton.

"Miss Benton astounded

the ballet worid last night...

in her incredible

performance of Swan Lake. "

"Her pas de deux

were breathtaking."

- Hello.

- Hi.

There she is.

- Hi.

- Hi. How are you?

- You look great.

- Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.

You're just in time for some big news.

- Well.

- Oh, hi. Uhhh.

- Wine.

- Let's have a glass another carafe. Okay?

- Yeah. And, uh...

- Anything else?

- Steamer Vic.

- Refills for everybody.

- Are you ready?

- You're in love.

Would that I were.

It's not my news.

- Sue.

- The only thing that happened

to me last week was...

my elevator man

got arrested for flashing.

- What is it, Jeannette?

- I met a man.

Well, that's terrific!

- Well, there's a little problem.

- He's married.

No.

- He's very young.

- You're not close.

- How young?

- He's 19.

- Oh, Jesus.

- I know. I know.

- He's very mature.

- Nineteen?

The problem is:
Does she f*** him,

or does she adopt him?

I'm a terrible person. I'm drunk,

and I'm giddy, and I'm going to the loo.

- Sorry, Jeannette.

- It's okay.

I think Elaine's

going through early menopause.

It is so ironic. I've dated so many men...

in the last few years

that were my age or older...

and Steven his name is Steven

is the first man that I've really liked...

- since my divorce.

- Well, what's he like?

He's calm, quiet.

He doesn't come on.

He's very bright.

He's not afraid to be tender.

Well, if you were a man and you

were talking about a 19-year-old girl...

then there would be

no problem, would there?

No, I worry about Teddy.

I mean, how do you tell a six-year-old child

his new daddy is a teenager?

- Where does he live now?

- With his parents.

Maybe I should adopt him.

Did I miss anything?

No.

It's just that last night was so incredible.

I put Teddy to bed,

and Steven came over.

We just sat and talked

all night long.

- I mean, till 7:00 this morning.

- What did you talk about?

We talked a lot about loneliness.

- Got kind of emotional.

- Then?

- Promise you won't laugh?

- I promise.

Well, then he undressed me,

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