An Ordinary Man Page #5

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And where was history made?

Where did we

kiss our first boy?

He kissed me,

over by the fountain.

Drawn out of hiding,

were we?

Mm, tactical error.

I was thirsty.

He never made

that mistake again.

What was his name?

Mr. Antonovich.

The librarian.

- Pigs.

- Yes, you are.

Surely other kisses

have followed.

We're not all

perverted librarians.

No?

You've never had a boyfriend,

have you, maid?

Define "boyfriend."

Someone you share a meal

with between f***ing.

At 26...

Oh, we do have to get to the

bottom of this, don't we?

Where did you bleed,

the first time?

First floor.

My form room seat.

I wouldn't leave

that seat all morning.

- They had to carry me out.

- We weren't rejoicing?

Oh, Jesus,

the fantasies you men have.

Uh, God, no, it's a horror.

My daughter found me

in a bunker,

fifth hour of maneuvers.

This corporal comes

racing out to me

with a field phone,

four radio transfers.

They tracked me down,

I assume the war has started.

And there she is,

that voice.

"I couldn't find Mum."

My men got

very drunk that day.

[clears throat, sniffling]

They still don't know why.

My father made me

clean the seat and apologize.

Most men would. We're terrified

of the mysteries of young women,

absolute terror.

One day we're bathing

little girls, cheek-to-cheek,

and the next,

the door is locked for good.

I took her shopping

after that day,

to quell my fears.

Mine wouldn't be caught dead.

What a shame.

How else to pierce the veil,

learn your mysterious ways?

Show me home.

Your home.

Please, home is next.

[keys jangling]

[lock rattling]

Do you know how long

it's been since a young woman

invited me into her apartment?

I didn't invite you.

Tell me this is temporary.

It's not.

I've seen detention cells

with more character.

Well, you would know.

Turn around, please.

There's no door.

My God.

Would it kill you

to hang up a picture?

- Of what?

- Need we say more?

No wonder you don't

have company.

You'll cripple them.

May I fix this?

No, you may not.

[toilet flushes]

For such a big reader, your library

is, how shall I say, nonexistent.

Books take up space.

Yes, and give away

our secrets.

Your mother

wouldn't approve.

Oh, my mother

never approved.

I'm suffocating.

I need a cigarette.

Take us away, maid.

[traffic noise]

Go on, maid.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Oh, sh*t.

Sh*t.

[whistle blows]

- Where did you go?

- Dressing stall in the back.

Collect what you find,

go straight to the cashier.

I've nothing smaller.

I may be invisible, but let's

not push our luck, shall we?

Go.

[techno music]

Your father would be so proud.

Indulge me.

Change, please.

Nothing that can't be fixed.

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