
Amy Schumer: The Leather Special
- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2017
- 57 min
- 766 Views
(1.00 / 1 vote)1
[announcer] Ladies and gentleman,
and all you other motherfuckers,
get up off your ass
for the baddest b*tch:
Amy Schumer!
-[music playing]
-[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
What the f*** is up, Denver?!
[cheers and applause]
Thank you so much for coming out.
Oh, my God.
This is such a big deal for me.
I don't know if you guys know this,
but this past year,
I've gotten very rich, famous and humble.
[audience laughing]
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't know who saw this.
I tweeted out a photo of myself
wearing just underwear.
Nothing but underwear.
[cheering]
Thank you, just the women.
What the f***?
No!
It's too late, sir.
This could have been crumpled
on your floor in the morning, but no.
I like the idea of this being crumpled
on someone's floor.
Having to put this back on
in the morning. Just, like...
[grunting]
And you're like, "Call me." And then--
Imagine doing a walk of shame
in this sh*t.
You're like, "Hi. Taxi."
They're like, "Hmm.
It looks like a Glad bag."
I feel like every comedian
needs a leather special.
Right? Every comic has some special
where they wear all leather,
and they regret it later.
It's my f***ing moment! Leather Special!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Already regret it. Already regret it.
Very overheated. Very overheated.
So, I tweet out this photo of myself.
I'm holding coffee. I'm topless
in just underwear, and it goes viral.
It was everywhere, every news show,
every website,
and that's when I learned the word
you don't want people to use
when a nude photo of you goes viral.
"Brave."
Um...
Can you imagine? You take your clothes off
in front of someone for the first time,
and they're just like, "Damn!
Whoo-ee!
Shorty looks empowered!" Like, no!
As if I'm standing there,
like, "I am brave!"
No, just f*** me.
I am blacking out tonight.
I am blacking out tonight. Anybody?
[cheers and applause]
Who loves you?
[speaks in childish gibberish]
If you're a real winner, then you'll--
and been awake
when they've come out of it?
-[woman] Yes!
-Thank you! Thank you, sister!
It's cool
'cause it's like you're a time traveler.
You're just, like, back in your body,
like...
"What are people wearing now?"
And you just kind of keep moving.
I, one time, in college-- thank you--
I came out of a blackout,
and there was a stranger
going down on me.
So, I was like, "Okay."
I decided to tap him gently.
So as not to startle him, you know?
"Sir!"
So--
'Cause I'm laying there, and I'm like,
"What do I know about this guy
at this point, right?
I know that he has brown hair.
And I know that he is a hero."
He's brave, okay?
He's brave,
and I'm gonna tell you why he's brave,
and this does not leave this theater.
And this does not leave your home.
Here's why he's brave.
On my p*ssy's best day...
It's not every day.
It's almost no day.
But, you know, you wake up,
you're having a good puss day.
And maybe you know
you're gonna have a visitor,
so in the shower,
you get very real in there, you know.
You pull things back you don't usually.
You kind of Minority Report
your own p*ssy.
[grunting]
You get in. It's like Stranger Things.
You just kind of get in.
"Gotta find Barb, guys. She's in there."
If you have access
to a detachable showerhead,
guess what?
I just want you guys to think that
that's how big my p*ssy is.
Just like... hmm.
It's really like... hmm?
After all of that...
on its already best day...
[groans]
my p*ssy smells...
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"Amy Schumer: The Leather Special" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 5 Feb. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/amy_schumer:_the_leather_special_2772>.
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