Amira & Sam Page #4

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Why didn't you do it?

- I don't even...

- Well, I...

I don't even remember.

I can't remember, but we were

like this f***in' close.

So f***in' close.

Well, looks like you guys

made out all right.

Hmm...

Hey, I want to

propose a toast to Sam,

you know, to all

the heroes out there

doing what they are doing

so that we can

do what we need to do.

- OK? Cheers. Sam.

- Sammy, thank you.

Cheers.

Sam, man. What's the craziest

sh*t you saw out there?

You want the craziest?

Yeah, craziest,

the scariest, whatever,

like the Rambo-type sh*t.

Do you want the scariest,

or do you want the craziest?

I don't know.

Everything.

Come on, man, hit me, hit me.

All right, all right.

So, we...

we come back a little bit

early from our patrol.

Highway?

Narang.

Kunar Province.

Afghanistan.

Right. Yeah, yeah, OK.

Afghanistan.

So, we come back a little bit

early from our patrol,

and our battalion chaplain

wasn't expecting us.

And so I walk into

his little makeshift office,

and I see him

crouched in the corner

beating off so savagely,

like just going at it

like he had a gun to his head.

And we lock eyes...

The most unfortunate eye contact

I've ever made

with another human.

Oh ho ho!

Him with his meat in his hand,

me eager to get back

out on patrol and get shot at.

And then it hits me, as I'm

eye-to-eye with this man.

He's still wearing

his f***ing helmet.

He was so excited to beat off

that he didn't take his

f***ing helmet off...

or he has explosive semen.

Ha ha ha ha!

I've got a question

for you guys.

Yeah.

What's the worst thing

that you could hear

after giving Willie

Nelson a blow job?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

Ha ha ha!

Buddy boy-

- Charlie.

- How are you, man?

- Good.

- Yeah?

So, listen, man.

I've been tryin' to

land this investment fund

for a couple years now.

It's run by this Army dude,

this Vietnam vet.

And I have him

really f***in' close,

but I can't get him to bite.

So, I have this idea.

Would you be willing

to meet with him?

About... what?

Investing in my fund.

I don't even know

what hedge funds are.

No. You don't have to know

anything about hedge funds.

Listen, my business is

just like any other business.

It's just about one thing.

It's about relationships.

So, if you can get this guy

to commit to $10 million,

I will cut you a check for 50K.

You gotta be f***ing kidding me.

I'm not f***ing kidding you.

Listen, go in there.

You slip him the old

Army handshake or whatever,

you swap a few war stories

and sh*t, you know.

He'll be eating out

of the palm of your hand.

I was looking at

you earlier, man.

You're charismatic.

You got charm.

People f***in' love you.

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