Amira & Sam Page #2

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So, I walk up to the school,

and I'm like, "Where's Larry?"

First of all, his name is Larry.

Let's back it up one step, OK?

Who the f*** calls their

6-year-old Larry, all right?

I was already suspect

to this kid's parents.

So, I walk up there

and I lock eyes with him,

and I look at him,

and I say, "Oh, my God,

he's so f***in' cute!"

He's awesome.

He loves sports.

We're hangin' out.

I turn to my daughter.

I'm like, "Marry Larry!"

"Let's just get this thing

over with, right?"

You guys ready for

some more comedy?

Put your hands together for

Mr. Sam Seneca, everyone. Yeah!

Hello.

Whoo! Yeah!

Hi.

Um, I'm Sam Seneca.

And...

what are all of your names?

I'll get into my stuff here.

Uh... so...

"Jokes and Stuff."

Here we go.

I never used to

believe in aliens,

and then I started watching

reality television.

Now I'm pretty sure that

the Kardashians are here

to destroy the planet Earth.

One person watches that show.

Um...

I was walking past

a Kindergarten.

I wasn't going out of

my way to walk past it.

It was just in my route.

But anyway, I noticed that

these Kindergartners

were large in size

and general mass...

They were, like, 450 pounds,

which begs the question:

What are we feeding our kids?

Other kids?

Oh, f*** it. Sorry.

Now...

I know I had it.

I just...

- Because you called.

- Mm-hmm, I did.

- And we spoke.

- That's true.

And I pulled it.

Where did I put it?

Come on, Janet.

It's meow or never.

What?

- Nothing.

- Oh.

Hey, what's your

favorite Broadway play?

Found it!

That's my file.

I knew you could do it.

Wait. Well,

maybe this is right.

What is it? What?

Well, it says that you

did multiple tours

and you're not

claiming disability.

Yep.

Why is that?

Because I'm not disabled.

You should still file a claim.

I'm not looking for a handout.

All I need from you is

a copy of my medical records.

Can you please do that for me?

Sure.

Thank you.

I just...

I just don't think

I've ever met anyone like you.

Well, that feeling is mutual.

And when we do, he would

give it back to me.

I'm going on

another long job today.

Behave while I'm gone.

OK.

You wanted to see me?

I'm gonna have to

let you go, Sam.

- F***.

- F*** is right.

Apparently those a**holes

you trapped in the elevator

have friends in high places.

Yeah.

You ever collect

unemployment before?

Because with your

military background,

you may even be eligible

for some disabilities.

No. I'll find another job.

I'll be fine.

Do what you gotta do, kid.

- Hey, Sam.

- Yeah.

- Good luck, huh?

- Thank you, Robert.

Yeah, Lawrence,

can you... yeah.

Can you listen to me

for a second?

Just... I promise you today.

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