Americans in Bed

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1

JOE:
The first time

I saw her,

I wasn't thinking about

whether she was a good mom

or she was gonna be someone

I would grow old with.

I wanted to nail her.

That's the truth.

Ha ha!

And then I got to that.

That's what it was.

If you were, like, some,

you know, one-toothed freak,

I don't care how good

you are to my kids.

I wouldn't have been--

or how good of a person

you are; I wouldn't have

wanted to be with you.

OK, that's true.

It's definitely true.

I definitely

have the same...

[Both chuckle]

When you're first

with someone and you start--

and you explore each other

and you start--become sexual,

every moment of your day is

when you're gonna f***,

how you're gonna f***,

when you're gonna

find time to f***,

who's gonna f*** when,

what are you gonna do,

how does she do it.

And then, as you progress

in your relationship,

it's like, "All right,

"maybe Sundays, OK,

you know, but we got

so much to do for the week,

let's make Sunday the time

we're gonna do it."

So we went through that

at the beginning of

our relationship.

All we did was try

to figure out where

we're gonna fool around:

my office, our apartment,

wherever.

But I think now we plan,

like, special times,

do you know what I mean,

to be alone and stuff

like that.

It's a little bit

more romantic and, like,

meaningful, I think--

I got to get you drunk now.

Sometimes.

[Both laugh]

Usually night, morning,

and if we do anything,

if we see each other

during the day,

we'll have sex

during the day.

Right.

So, if we spend nonstop

with each other, 2 or 3

times a day.

Time to have sex.

I think one of the ways

in which Blanca and I

connect to each other

is sexually,

and people often look

at us and kind of, like--

They're like, "How do

you guys have sex?"

'cause, you know.

"Hmm.

"'Cause you're 6'6", 240,

and you're 4'10", 82."

Ha ha ha!

"How the hell?"

And the answer is,

surprisingly well.

She's probably the best sex

I've ever had in my life,

and she continues

to be to this day.

Sure.

A large part of it--

she doesn't believe me,

but it's true,

and it's really important

to me partially because

we managed

to make things work

physically so well

and partially

because of the way

I feel for her.

Yeah, I'm pretty happy

with our sex life

in terms of, you know,

the frequency and what

we do together when we

do things together.

Yeah.

I think chemistry

is non-tangible.

You just know it.

Been two years

and I thought I'd

be bored by now,

and not yet.

[Giggles]

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby.

[Growls]

Yow.

Yeah.

We met because Randy took

13,000 photographs of me.

He made a music video

for me.

I was stalking her.

I remember the first time

we got together.

It was really hot.

It was really hot.

Stop it. Shh.

I think sex is the

most important thing

in a relationship,

and I've always felt

that way.

Now, I don't know

if men see it that way,

but I feel pretty sure

that I'm speaking

for, like, just about

every woman in the world

that, like,

when you have sex

with your partner,

you kind of

can't have sex

with your partner

if you're really mad

at them, if you're upset

about something,

if you're stressed out

about something,

if your house

is a pig sty,

whatever it is.

And because I, like,

I would like to have sex

every single day,

I feel like all

those other things

have to be in order

every single day

as well.

I know not

of a situation

in which that initial

physical attraction

is something you could,

like, develop into,

whereas I think

it's a lot easier

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