American Pie
INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
PAN across details in a bedroom...we see discarded
shirts...pants...socks...and hear
PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)
Oooh, yeah. Oh, baby, you're so good.
JIM (O.S.)
Yeah, I'm the best, baby.
Now we see a TV...but the picture isn't clear. Or, more
appropriately, the picture is scrambled -- it phases in
and out. Bars scroll across it. And we get occasional
glimpses of what looks like --
JIM (O.S.)(CONT'D)
...oh -- that was a tit, tits...
As most high-school guys know (but few will admit), it is
possible to watch the pay channels while they're
scrambled. You just need a decent imagination to fill in
the rest of the picture. We PULL BACK to see JIM -- 17,
short, horny.
PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)
Give it to me! Yes!
JIM:
Oh yeah, baby, I'll give it to you.
Jim is, uh, physically involved with the scrambled babe.
We TILT DOWN to see a small multimedia presentation next
to Jim on his bed. "Cosmopolitan" is open to a sexy
model...a yearbook is open to the "girl's swim team"
section...and a dictionary next to Jim, open to the
"Vagina" listing, accompanied by a big vagina diagram.
PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)
Don't you love my sexy body?!
JIM:
I do, baby, I do.
He frantically looks around...and grabs a tube sock off
the floor.
PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)
You're so big!
JIM:
Yeah, that's right.
PORNO-CHANNEL STUD (V.O.)
(deep macho voice)
Ohhh, tell me you're a nasty girl!
Jim is thrown off.
PORNO-CHANNEL STUD (V.O.)(CONT'D)
Yeahhh, you been bad, real bad!
JIM:
Man, shut up!
Suddenly there's a KNOCK at the door, immediately after
which JIM'S MOM enters. Jim scrambles and quickly covers
himself and the dictionary with a pillow. She's
oblivious to his doings.
JIM'S MOM
Hey, Jimmy. I just wanted to say
sweet dreams.
JIM:
Yep, okay Mom, 'night.
JIM'S MOM
(leans in to Jim)
Kiss goodnight.
Jim is revolted. Very reluctantly he gives her a kiss.
She turns to leave, and notices the TV.
JIM'S MOM (CONT'D)
Is something wrong with the reception?
JIM:
Yeah. Damn cable. There's this
nature show that I'm trying to watch.
PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)
F*ck me! Yes!
JIM:
Uh...
He hurriedly tries to change the channel with the REMOTE,
but instead the VOLUME GOES UP.
PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)
Jim panics as his mom reacts, shocked.
JIM:
(choking)
Must...be...broken...
JIM'S DAD enters.
JIM'S DAD
What the heck is this?
JIM:
Nothing!
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"American Pie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 28 May 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/american_pie_354>.
