American Pie

Synopsis: A riotous and raunchy exploration of the most eagerly anticipated -- and most humiliating -- rite of adulthood, known as losing one's virginity. In this hilarious lesson in life, love and libido, a group of friends, fed up with their well-deserved reputations as sexual no-hitters, decide to take action.
Genre: Comedy
Production: Universal Pictures
  9 wins & 14 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.0
Metacritic:
58
Rotten Tomatoes:
60%
R
Year:
1999
95 min
Website
1,106 Views


INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

PAN across details in a bedroom...we see discarded

shirts...pants...socks...and hear

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

Oooh, yeah. Oh, baby, you're so good.

JIM (O.S.)

Yeah, I'm the best, baby.

Now we see a TV...but the picture isn't clear. Or, more

appropriately, the picture is scrambled -- it phases in

and out. Bars scroll across it. And we get occasional

glimpses of what looks like --

JIM (O.S.)(CONT'D)

...oh -- that was a tit, tits...

As most high-school guys know (but few will admit), it is

possible to watch the pay channels while they're

scrambled. You just need a decent imagination to fill in

the rest of the picture. We PULL BACK to see JIM -- 17,

short, horny.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

Give it to me! Yes!

JIM:

Oh yeah, baby, I'll give it to you.

Jim is, uh, physically involved with the scrambled babe.

We TILT DOWN to see a small multimedia presentation next

to Jim on his bed. "Cosmopolitan" is open to a sexy

model...a yearbook is open to the "girl's swim team"

section...and a dictionary next to Jim, open to the

"Vagina" listing, accompanied by a big vagina diagram.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

Don't you love my sexy body?!

JIM:

I do, baby, I do.

He frantically looks around...and grabs a tube sock off

the floor.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

You're so big!

JIM:

Yeah, that's right.

PORNO-CHANNEL STUD (V.O.)

(deep macho voice)

Ohhh, tell me you're a nasty girl!

Jim is thrown off.

PORNO-CHANNEL STUD (V.O.)(CONT'D)

Yeahhh, you been bad, real bad!

JIM:

Man, shut up!

Suddenly there's a KNOCK at the door, immediately after

which JIM'S MOM enters. Jim scrambles and quickly covers

himself and the dictionary with a pillow. She's

oblivious to his doings.

JIM'S MOM

Hey, Jimmy. I just wanted to say

sweet dreams.

JIM:

Yep, okay Mom, 'night.

JIM'S MOM

(leans in to Jim)

Kiss goodnight.

Jim is revolted. Very reluctantly he gives her a kiss.

She turns to leave, and notices the TV.

JIM'S MOM (CONT'D)

Is something wrong with the reception?

JIM:

Yeah. Damn cable. There's this

nature show that I'm trying to watch.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

F*** me! Yes!

JIM:

Uh...

He hurriedly tries to change the channel with the REMOTE,

but instead the VOLUME GOES UP.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

BLOW YOUR WAD ON MY TITS!!

Jim panics as his mom reacts, shocked.

JIM:

(choking)

Must...be...broken...

JIM'S DAD enters.

JIM'S DAD

What the heck is this?

JIM:

Nothing!

JIM'S MOM

I think he's trying to watch one of

the illegal channels.

JIM:

Jesus, Mom! They're not illegal!

They're pay channels. How could a

television channel be illegal?! God,

get a clue!

JIM'S DAD

James, don't speak that way to your

mother!

PORNO-CHANNEL STUD (V.O.)

Play with my hairy balls!

JIM'S DAD

Turn that garbage off! Give me that!

Jim's Dad grabs for the remote, which is sitting on the

pillow that's been covering Jim. The pillow gets brushed

aside -- revealing the Big Vagina Diagram, Jim with his

shorts down, and a very strategically placed tube sock.

JIM'S MOM

Oh my God!

JIM'S DAD

Honey, why don't you let me handle this

one.

He ushers her out. Jim's Dad is stuck there with his

half-naked son. Horrible, awful embarrassment. A long,

strained beat.

JIM'S DAD (CONT'D)

Jesus Christ. The dictionary? Hell,

son, I'll buy you some dirty

magazines.

Jim's Dad exits, shaking his head. Jim sits agape,

humiliated.

PORNO-CHANNEL CHICK (V.O.)

Oooh, spank me, daddy, spank me!

EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS - DAY

We see a Honda Accord drive by a sign at the city limits:

"Welcome to East Great Falls, Michigan -- A Great Place

To Be"

EXT. FRONT OF SCHOOL - DAY

The front of the school. KEVIN drives up in his Accord.

He's a good-humored, good-enough-looking high school

senior. VICKY rides shotgun -- pretty, smart, confident.

She's holding a large, thick envelope, with a big

"Vanderbilt" return address on it.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Adam Herz

Adam Herz is an American screenwriter and producer. He founded the production company Terra Firma Films in 2003 with a first-look deal at Universal Studios. Herz was born in New York City and raised in East Grand Rapids, Michigan. more…

All Adam Herz scripts | Adam Herz Scripts

0 fans

Submitted by aviv on October 31, 2016

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "American Pie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Jun 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/american_pie_354>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    American Pie

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.