
American High School
- R
- Year:
- 2009
- 86 min
- 441 Views
Ummmm-ah!
I say ummmm-ahh!
Good afternoon, Pussycats!
I say good afternoon, Pussycats!
I am here to introduce... Ha ha...
...my best friend
and your captain...
Jonny Awesome!
Thank you, Matt.
What the f*ck is up,
American High School?
Yes!
#Ain't this the last time #
#I can feel like you #
#Well, you go from
town to town #
#And everybody knows
who you are... #
Boy:
Yes! Whoo! Awesome.
#Mmm, how do you do? #
#How do you do? #
All right, guys. Ahem.
Unfortunately, we have to
put a pause to the fun for a moment...
...and bring up... You know her
as the boring and the bland...
...and the ordinary...
...and incredibly
unhook-up-able-with... Al...
- Er...
- Unhookupable?
Yeah, she's... Okay,
let's bring up Gwen Adams.
Get up here!
Man, is she ordinary?
Soaky Gwen.
I'm just kidding.
Get up here.
She's a good f*ck too, by the way.
Ha ha!
There you go.
Thank you.
I would...
- This must be really difficult for you.
- ...Like...
- Wow. You're definitely...
- Boy:
You suck!...unpopular.
Boy:
He's a dick!
I mean, if this was MySpace,
Tom wouldn't even be your friend.
Boy #2:
Fucking whore and slut!
Oh yes, sir!
Ha ha ha ha!
Awesome. Whoo!
That's me,
and it's pretty safe to say...
...that I am incredibly unpopular.
But it's not my fault, though.
There are plenty of
contributing loser factors.
For starters, instead of having a cool
dad who lets my girlfriends sleep over...
...my dad just tries to sleep with them.
He used to be an actor.
He made a ton of money...
...on the hit '80s TV show,
"Coast Watch"
...and a lot of Japanese
action flicks.
It'd be nice to have a strong older
brother to look up to.
Maybe this'll kill me.
Too bad I don't.
Don't even ask where
my mom is.
Having the coolest boyfriend
Yeah, not when you marry him.
We'll get to that later.
Girl singing:
#What we did right... #
My husband's an exhibitionist...
...and made it his mission to have
sex with me...
...at every landmark in school.
We've never been caught.
Lastly, this...
...is Hilary Weiss!
Hilary is a devil with a vagina.
Hey, Holden.
She wanted Holden
but he wanted me, so I married him.
I want you to take me
to dinner.
Gwen:
She's been trying to stealmy boyfriend since the third grade.
We hate each other,
but I got the man.
I'm running for prom queen...
...to beat out Hilary.
Not like I really care about
that kind of stuff obviously.
But I want to be the one
personally responsible...
...for bringing down Satan.
Ugh!
Oh, and I'm 10 days
late on my period.
Ahh, late for school.
Gotta go.
#Everyone is always
on the go... #
Boy:
Check this out...
Gwen:
Jonny and Matt.
I uploaded a video
of myself onto YouTube...
...shirtless and flexing.
Mad views already, bro.
- Mad views?
- Mad views.
- Nice.
- We're awesome.
So awesome!
Gwen:
They hold the world recordin awesomeness...
...whatever that means.
- Awesome. You got a lighter?
- No.
Gwen:
Oh, here comes Dixie,Hilary and Trixie.
Together they've slept
with the entire school...
...twice.
You're a chauvinist pig!
Hey, Holden.
How about you and I
Gwen:
God, she's suchan idiot!
If there was an award
...she'd be undefeated.
Oh!
- Cat fight!
- Awesome.
"Ooh, I'm gonna save the day.
I'm gonna pull her away. "
- Bye, Holden.
Walk away, walk away.
What the f*ck is
wrong with those two?
Who the f*ck gets married
in high school?
It's all right.
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Citation
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"American High School" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/american_high_school_2683>.