Alter Egos Page #3

to meet you,

so I don't think she's

really going to freak out.

- You told her

about this mission?

- She's my girlfriend.

- Oh, come on, man, no.

She's Brendan's girlfriend.

She's not supposed to know

about superhero stuff.

- Okay, well, it's not really

that simple.

Because she's, um...

She's cheating on me.

On Brendan.

- Oh.

- With me.

Fridge.

- Look, bottom line is that

Emily is not happy with Brendan.

She doesn't want to be dating

some broke wannabe cartoonist.

- This is a seriously

unprofessional situation.

- She deserves more

than just hanging around,

ordering takeout,

and watching reruns

with that guy.

- Is that for dramatic effect?

- Wh-what?

- Calling him "that guy"?

It's you.

You're him.

You're that guy.

- It's funny.

I don't feel like him.

Not, like, one little bit.

I actually think

that I'm taller than Brendan.

You think that's possible?

- No.

- And then I remembered

that Fridge

was always a way bigger hit

with the ladies.

So when I, Fridge, saw her

walking down the street,

I froze the sidewalk, right,

to make her slip and fall

so that I could catch her

and save her.

- [Gasps]

- And then...It was amazing.

She had never looked

at Brendan--

at me--like that before.

And then when I, Brendan,

called her to ask

what she was doing that night,

she said she was sick

and had to stay in,

when really she had plans

with me, Fridge.

I took her to some place

that Brendan could never afford.

There were these guys

who owed me a favor.

I kept their freezer cold

during the blackout.

And then we went

back to her apartment.

[Laughter]

One thing led to another...

[Glass shattering]

You see why I don't want to

change back into my alter ego?

If I become Brendan,

who knows what he's going to do?

He might do something stupid,

and break up with her.

Then he's going to ruin this

great thing

that I've got going on

with Emily.

- Y-you know, you really

shouldn't be saying this

in front of anyone.

Superhero stuff, alter egos,

top secret.

- No, because people are going

to think that you're insane.

- Why can't you just

be happy for me?

You know, the sex with Fridge

is way better.

- [Sighs]

Wait, why is it better?

- Chicks dig the costume.

They dig the costume.

- [Clears throat]

- Oh, we're not accepting

superhero credit anymore.

Sorry.

We take cash.

[Door creaking]

- Ow!

Damn it.

Jimmy, I know you're there.

- I brought you a present.

So you can test out

your fashion line on something.

- Um, it's a little bit small

for that.

And it's not really

a fashion line.

It's just a hobby.

- Well, unfortunately,

hobbies are illegal

in this town.

Gonna have to frisk you, ma'am.

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