All That Jazz

OK, one more time. From the top.

Six beats, all right?

One, two, three, four. One, two...

To be on the wire is life.

The rest... is waiting.

- Tha's very theatrical, Joe.

- Yeah, l know.

- Did you make it up?

- l wish l had.

- Do you like it?

- Well, i's all right.

l's showtime, folks!

They say the neon lights

are bright on Broadway

They say there's always magic in the air

But when you're walkin' down that street

And you ain't had enough to eat

The glitter rubs right off

and you're nowhere

They say the women

treat you fine on Broadway

But lookin'at them just gives me the blues

Cos how you gonna make some time

When all you got is one thin dime?

And one thin dime

won't even shine your shoes

They say that l won't

last too long on Broadway

l'll catch a Greyhound bus for home,

they all say

But they're dead wrong, l know they are

Cos l can play this here guitar

And l won't quit till l'm a star

On Broadway

They say that l won't last too long

on Broadway...

Autumn?

- ls that your real name?

- Yes, sir.

- You sure you don't wanna change that?

- Well, if you give me the job l'll change it.

But they're dead wrong, l know they are

Cos l can play this here guitar

And l won't quit till l'm a star...

Victoria Porter.

ls this your, uh... your home phone?

... till l'm a star

On Broadway

No, no, no, no, no...

- You were in The Wiz?

- Mr Gideon, l've never been in any show.

l had to put something on the card.

l really need ajob, so l lied.

l's all right, Rima. l lie all the time myself.

Oh, f*** him! He never picks me!

Honey, l did f*** him,

and he never picks me either!

- You were in Traffic Jam?

- Yes, sir.

- Who was the director of Traffic Jam?

- You were, Mr Gideon.

- Oh. How was l?

- Terrific.

- And who was the choreographer?

- You were, Mr Gideon.

- How was l?

- Fantastic.

Tha's how you get ajob.

God, l hope he doesn't pick her.

She's uglier than a witch's tit.

The expression is "colder than a witch's tit".

- You've never seen a woman's tit in your life.

- Shh. Be quiet, you two.

OK, thank you all very much.

lt was a terrific audition. Just stay in line.

Now tha's what l call a real drinker's nose.

And you should know, because

you're a real drinker, aren't you, Joe?

- Yeah.

- Also heavy into speed, aren't you?

- Yeah.

- Also sleep with a great many women.

- Real turn-off, huh?

- Just the opposite.

l'll make up my mind about the men later.

l know which girls l want.

Candy, Casey, Rima,

Jennifer and Victoria Porter.

- The one in the shocking-pink leotard?

- See if any are willing to be swing dancers.

- She's tone-deaf.

- With those legs, who cares?

Oh, Joey, l know you're in a hurry,

but l want to check your schedule.

- Same as always.

- Joey? Joey, can we talk a minute, please?

- Joey...

- What is it?

- You left me without a soprano again!

- Paul, please, will you let me handle it?

- What about Diane?

- What about Diane?

l've had her in three shows. She's wonderful.

At least she can sing. You left me

without a soprano. l gotta have a soprano!

Gentlemen, Mr Gideon...

The tall dancer with the blue eye shadow -

believe me, he'll hit the high notes.

The five Murray is talking to,

those are the girls l want. OK with you?

The tall girl, Victoria - l like her, Daddy.

Hm, she's all right.

l really screwed up that marriage.

Because l cheated. Oh, man,

l cheated every chance l could get.

OK with you, Audrey?

Sure. Fine with me.

What about this weekend with Michelle?

Oh, Jesus... l forgot.

l gotta work this weekend.

Oh, Joe! You promised her.

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