All Nighter

1

There he is.

Jesus. You'll tell him you were

the reason we're late, right?

Come on. I don't...

I don't want him to think I don't

care about time and stuff.

There's my girl.

There's my dad.

Dad, this is

my boyfriend Martin.

Pleasure to meet you,

Mr. Martin.

Uh, Mr. Gallo.

I'm Martin.

You're Mr. Gallo.

I know that.

Nice to meet you, Martin.

F***.

It's really good to see you.

You look great.

You look tired. Where you

coming from this time?

Singapore.

Ah.

Ever been?

No, I haven't been.

Uh, i... I hear it's very,

um, clean, which I like.

I also hear that they cane you

if you spit in the street.

Uh, not that I like that.

Yeah, I don't like that part.

Good evening. Can I bring

you something to drink?

Shall we start with a

nice bottle of red?

Uh, Martin has

a sulfite allergy.

A sulfite allergy?

Um, it's not that bad, actually.

I just get a little, uh, Hivey.

But I'm fine with water

or death.

Okay. Uh, we'll have

a bottle of

the chateauneuf-Du-pape.

Excellent choice.

And, Martin,

are you sure? Nothing?

Maybe a beer? Or are

you allergic to hops?

Heh.

You sure you don't want

something else, Martin?

Mm. Oh, no.

This is delicious.

These beets are

really well steamed.

I'm sorry.

I gotta take this.

He hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

He hates me.

He hates me so much,

I'm starting to hate myself.

All that matters is what

I think, and I'm a fan.

Yeah?

Big fan.

Huge fan.

All right.

Martin:

Okay, I got this.

I'll bounce back.

Round two.

Sorry about that.

It's, uh, not a problem.

Looks like a, uh,

pretty major deal

just went down over there

by the bar, huh?

So, Martin, what

is it that you do?

Uh, dad, I told you

Martin is a musician.

Right. Right.

What is it,

the, uh, ukulele?

Uh, it's the, uh, banjo.

Banjo. Right,

like Kermit the frog.

Heh.

I guess I assumed

the banjo was a hobby.

Well, I have a band,

hysterical kindness.

It's a bluegrass collective,

more Flatt and Scruggs

or punch brothers

than some, you know, poppy Mumford

& sons kind of wannabe thing.

What's wrong

with Mumford & sons?

They're a very

successful act, no?

He likes Mumford & sons.

So where you from?

Well, I was born in Chicago,

uh, but I grew up in Guelph.

Guelph?

Uh, Guelph, Ontario.

Guelph?

It's, uh...

Canada.

Guelph?

Okay.

Your folks, what do they do?

Jesus, dad, what is

with the third degree?

Third degree? I'm just

getting to know the guy.

You don't mind, do you, Martin?

No. No, no. It's great.

It's great getting

to know someone

this, you know, vigorously.

So your parents?

Oh. Right. Um...

My mother is an

acupuncturist in Toronto,

and my father is an, um...

He's an environmental

activist in Albuquerque.

He's an environmental

activist in Albuquerque, dad.

Deal with it.

I didn't say anything.

I'm sure it's

very satisfying work.

He never met a tree that he

didn't want to chain himself to.

Sweetie, you have a little,

um, salad dressing.

Oh.

Oops. Oh.

Mr. Gallo,

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

Could tonight's dinner

have gone any worse?

Actually, it could have.

Mm, I guess he could have

castrated me at the table.

Last time I introduced

dad to a boyfriend,

I never heard from

the guy again, so...

Wow. When I disappear next,

ask your dad

where my body's buried,

just as, you know,

like, a courtesy to my mom.

Martin, I know he's tough.

But you're not gonna

have to deal with him.

I probably won't see him

for another year, so...

Oh.

In that case, I think

we should make a plan

to see him sooner than that.

You'd be up for that?

Absolutely.

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