All Cheerleaders Die

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So, why do it?

- 'Cause it's dangerous.

Like you can sprain a tit or something.

This is the most dangerous sport

in American high school, b*tch.

More dangerous

than football?

More catastrophic injuries

per student.

- How do I look?

Dangerous.

Duh.

Take me through

a typical Thursday.

Well, first I get up

at the ass crack for my run.

I mean, obviously staying in

shape is a part of the gig.

It's called cheerleading.

You know,

I have to be a leader.

Oh, Marvin.

And diplomatic.

Proactive.

Seriously, hon.

Come to the realm, boys!

My b*tches do not disappoint.

So why do you call

yourselves b*tches?

Blackfoot Bloodhounds, yo.

Boys be dogs,

girls be b*tches.

Gangster.

Not now, Leena.

Maddy!

After that,

I track down Terry and, um...

Blue up his balls.

God, Terry charges my bones.

For real.

Next year, he's captain

of the football team and...

I'm captain of the squad, so it's

pretty much gonna be the best year ever.

MMS class.

I avoid taking honors classes,

so I can maintain all A's.

Overheard that from a

senior b*tch, freshmen year.

Take basic classes,

show up on time

and always look hot!

And he's married!

Hey, Trace. K-Mads is making me

the star of her little class video.

Please, call me Maddy.

Not K-Mads.

Hey! Each day this week, I'm

filming a different student.

Getting school

from their perspective. So...

Well, oh! Hi!

Easy to judge everyone

else from behind this thing, huh?

Yeah, can I?

Thank you!

Do you wanna show me

some action now?

B*tch, I thought

you would never ask.

Where's Hanna?

- Here!

- Sorry, Lexi, the head got stuck and...

- Put it on.

- Well?

Magical.

All right, smart ass.

Check this sh*t out.

Oh, my God!

Get up, Alexis!

Alexis!

Bomb Vik.

Get that arm warm, cuz.

Oh, poor Hanna. Still a

prisoner to child lock.

Thank you, Manny.

Hanna!

Seriously?

Not in front of

my little sister.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

- Cheetos.

- Goddamn, dude.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

I would've eaten those.

Nah, it taste like sh*t.

Listen up, chiquitas.

I got one spot open.

But, I don't have to take

any of you.

I'd rather be one b*tch short,

than have a weakling.

When I say your name,

line up in front of me.

And girls...

Don't waste my time.

Corra.

Jen.

Bonnie.

Megan.

Vanessa.

What the f?

Maddy?

Dang, man.

Who is that?

Maddy.

Goddamn, somebody gave

that b*tch a credit card.

What do you think

you're doing?

Uh, there's a spot open

and I want it.

This isn't easy for us,

okay, Maddy?

We put it off as long as

possible, out of respect to Lexi.

God rest her soul.

Yeah, well,

Alexis was my friend, too.

Did you guys know that we did

gymnastics together, 7th grade?

I guess, she went one way

and I went another and...

I don't know,

I guess with everything...

Look, I uh, I just know that she was

happier than me and I wanna find out why.

I'm not asking for any favors.

You won't get any.

Keep it up.

Let's go, let's go.

Hey, why don't you

kiss George.

Come on, take what you want

like a goddamn pro.

Come on!

Ow!

Welcome to the squad, b*tch.

Check this sh*t out.

Oh, my God!

Oh, sh*t.

- Oh, my God!

Alexis!

So, uh,

here is the new wardrobe.

Ta da!

You cannot believe the kind of

money these chicks drop on clothes.

Physical stuff,

I can handle.

The hard part is going to be, pretending

that I actually like those dumb b*tches.

Like that dipshit, Tracy.

Acts like she's all sad

but then,

jumps on Terry's jock

before Alexis is even

in the ground.

That's classy.

And Terry...

Mr. big bad wolf himself.

I'm gonna ruin your perfect

little senior year, dog.

Jesus Christ!

Leena, what do you want?

Wow, you look, uh...

Uh...

You... you have

a lot of makeup on.

- So?

- Can we talk?

No.

Uh, please?

Look, I'm sorry

things got so intense.

And I'm trying to respect that you

want to be alone and everything,

but, we really need to talk.

About what?

About you and... and...

Well, Little Madeline here.

Oh, hell no, you did not name

the kitten after me.

- Oh, f***, Leena.

- I know it's pathetic and...

I was lonely

and it doesn't matter, okay?

She was in perfect health when I got

her and then, I gave her your name

and she got sick,

just like that out of nowhere.

And I suppose,

you want me to think

it's one of your signs,

am I right?

Well, yeah. I mean...

Look at yourself.

You're like

a different person.

Something is going on, right?

Can you just listen?

She didn't

just get sick, okay?

- She died.

- Leena!

It's over.

What's up, b*tch?

Sick threads.

Make 'em yourself?

Yeah.

Did Mads tell you the news?

It's official.

She's a cheer... leader.

Later.

Blackfoot Bloodhounds,

b*tches.

Ow!

I'm sorry, sis.

Hey, this really brings out

your face.

- Really?

- You look so beautiful, yeah.

- Really?

- Totally.

You okay?

Do you think Lexi

would be mad at me?

Why?

- 'Cause of me and Terry.

- Oh.

- I'm rotten.

- No, you're not rotten.

- Tracy, you're just... You're living.

- Hmm.

Did you like him before?

Uh, before Alexis died,

I mean.

I wasn't going to do

anything about it.

I mean, Lexi and I

always liked the same things

that's why

we were best friends.

Mmm.

Well, don't look at me

like that.

- I didn't do anything wrong.

- No, I'm...

Damn it, seriously, okay?

Dogs are coming over.

You know the rules.

It's b*tches only, tonight.

Okay?

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