Afternoon Delight

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1

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Connection.

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Phone book.

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Jeff work.

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Logan school.

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Home.

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Jeff cell.

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Jeff work.

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Jeff cell.

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Jeff work.

[beep]

ROBOTIC VOICE:
Jeff work.

[MUSIC PLAYING - BOWERBIRDS,

"IN THE YARD"]

-How can I complain?

Women in Darfur, you know, walk

14 miles to get water,

raped on the way.

And on their way home, just

trying to get water back to

the family, raped again, spill

all the water, have to go

back, probably raped

a third time.

I mean, how dare I?

-How dare any of us?

Rachel, do I need to remind you

how much time you spend

giving back?

WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): You know

what, if it's gluten-free and

it is the same, how

could it hurt?

WOMAN (OFFSCREEN): Eastside

JCC Moms!

What are we doing?

-Packing lunch for

the homeless!

-OK, I'm gonna post this.

When you get home, be

sure to like it.

OK?

You have to share it

with everybody.

Get your friends to like it.

I'm gonna see you guys

at the auction?

Rachel, I'm talking to you.

-Yep, got it.

-I know, it takes

a lot of time.

-And how are things

with Logan?

Is he good?

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN): Oh,

Logan is awesome.

-Are you two playing?

I know you said you were having

trouble getting on the

floor with him and

just playing.

So fun just to get on the floor

and just play with him.

-And how's Jeff?

-Yeah, all's well.

-Good, good, good, good,

good, good, good.

Good, good.

Rachel, you don't have to

tell me the truth, but,

uh, it is your time.

You pay for it.

-Still no sex.

Lost count.

Six months.

-I feel like there's a lot of

couples that probably go

through dry spells-

-Not healthy couples, no.

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN): Instead of

just, like, talking about the

fact that we're not having

sex, we use this code.

He asks if he should

put the dog out.

-Hey baby.

-[mumbling].

I gotta sleep.

-Yeah, I know.

I was just, uh, thinking

of putting Bonnet out.

-Um--

-Or you know, I could just

let him stay in here.

If you don't want me to.

-It doesn't matter.

-It doesn't matter

to me either.

-Well, let him stay.

-You sure?

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-OK.

LENORE (OFFSCREEN): Are you

avoiding intercourse?

-Bedtime?

That is the worst time

to have sex.

-Is there a time you'd prefer?

-Oh, like a 3:
30, or 4:00

tea time thing.

You know?

Elicit.

Curtains closed, sun

trying to get in.

We meet somewhere.

-May I share something

with you?

When Portia and I met in

1979 at Smith College--

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN): Does

your shrink tell

you about her life?

-No, because if she did,

I would fire her.

It goes against her, like,

Hippocratic Oath or something.

-Oh my god, Lenore is always

talking about her awful--

-Ugh, Lenore.

--Lesbian partner Portia and

how deep their love is.

-Please fire Lenore.

Ugh.

-I bet they have eyes

open orgasms.

Looking into the eyes of

your partner when he--

[gagging]

-No thank you.

-Oh god, I'm so ready just to

say f*** you to that auction.

I just do not wanna go.

-Oh my god, me neither.

-I'm buying a parking space

for my horrible wife.

No, I'm buying the parking space

for my horrible wife.

Ugh.

Oh, gentleman's club.

-Oh, well, yes, of course,

because they are the most

-Their little nut sack peeking

out, and their tiny little

monocles.

-(POSH ACCENT) Top of the

morning to you, ladies.

Would you mind if I

jacked myself off?

-You ever been to

a strip club?

-Seriously?

-Bo and I have gone to, like,

a million strip clubs.

-Are you serious?

-Yes.

We go there, we get all hot, and

then we bang the sh*t out

of each other when we get home.

-Should I make a res?

-What's wrong with you?

-Let me guess.

This was Steph's idea.

-No, actually, it was my idea.

I've never done anything

like this before.

It'll be hilarious.

-You've never been

to a strip club?

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN): No.

-Strip clubs are sad, and they

make me the opposite of horny.

They make me angry.

-You don't think that looking

at young, hot American tits

are gonna get you horny?

-How do you know

their American?

-They could be--

I don't know.

You're not gonna know what hits

you when you get home.

It's gonna be sexual.

It's gonna be oh so sexual.

-Mm.

-I'm gonna eat you alive.

I'm might--

I might even suck it right off.

-You don't know.

-I do not know.

It's gonna be good.

-I'm gonna make some hot loving

to your-- to your dad

bod.

-Oh, man.

I wanted to bid on the

Cuperbergs' condo in Maui and

now I can't.

-Jeff, you don't wanna

stay at that condo.

It sounds repulsing.

-Yeah I do.

It's in Maui.

-You can't even see the

ocean from that condo.

Why would we stay there?

-Jesus, Rachel, put

on some clothes.

Men wear those on their faces

when they rob banks.

-You press that panic

button, I'm gonna

shoot you in the face.

Bing, bing.

-Did you tell the babysitter

what Logan likes for dinner?

-All right, I'm gonna see if we

have any of that frozen soy

cheese pizza.

-IDs, please.

-Hi.

Are you serious?

-I can't tell with

y'all nowadays.

You know?

-Best night of my life.

-Oh my god, thank you.

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN):

Making my day.

[music playing]

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN):

Larissa.

Let's give it up for Larissa.

Come on up.

[music playing]

-How old are you?

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