After Sex Page #3

whole shtick about how you're not gay

and everyone does it

at least once.

And then eventually, you

come back down off that ledge.

But now you're still left with

a hint of regret and guilt,

and you push it

deep down inside,

and it's locked away,

never to be mentioned again.

Just a distant memory that you'll

come to deny ever even happened.

It's a college campus clich.

The homophobic frat boy

that loves it in the ass,

but doesn't want anybody

to know about it.

It's sad, really.

Not me.

Whatever.

Whatever.

I'm not homophobic.

You're kidding me!

I'm not homophobic.

Then why keep it

a secret?

Because it's nobody's

f***ing business.

You think I can't

read you?

You're the definition

of homophobic.

The mere thought of the

possibility of you being gay

scares you

beyond belief.

You're barking up

the wrong tree.

Whatever helps you

sleep at night.

What the f***'s

your problem?

I'm not the one

with the problem, boy!

Don't call me "boy,"

you f***ing f*ggot!

Well, there it is.

I was waiting for it.

What?

You just proved

my entire point.

'Cause I called you a f*ggot?

Bingo.

What the f*** does that mean, "bingo?"

You know what?

I'm really tired,

and I'm sick of having

to explain

everything to you.

So if you don't mind,

I'd rather you just leave.

Why did you do it?

What do you care?

I want to know.

You really want

to know why?

Yeah.

Power.

Power?

Yeah.

Power.

Elaborate.

My whole life, starting

from grade school

up until the point

I came out of the closet,

I was beaten up,

ridiculed,

made fun of,

and completely alienated

because of the way I was born,

because I'm attracted

to guys.

You can't f***ing imagine how

powerless this makes someone feel,

how powerless I felt.

All through high school,

I had to hide who I was

for fear of people

finding out the truth.

I even dated girls.

I had sex with them

just so that...

people thought

that I was straight,

that I was...normal.

And it tore me up inside.

To the point where...

Never mind.

What?

Nothing.

Um...

Forget it.

Please. What?

I tried to kill myself,

all right?

I tried to commit

f***ing suicide because...

I couldn't deal

with who I was.

I was afraid of people

finding out the truth about me.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

I hated myself

for who I was.

For who I am.

Kinda pathetic, huh?

No, man, it's not.

Yeah, well, eventually...

once I got to college, I

wasn't too different from you.

I-I joined a frat

and drank lots of beer

and made the usual

homoerotic gay jokes.

Then I met a guy, and...

He wasn't too different

from you and me.

He helped me accept

who I am.

Just a regular person...

just like

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