Afflicted Page #3

You gotta not be filming

the whole night.

Actually, I have something for you.

It's condoms.

I think this is the lucky one.

Actually, I'll give you all of them.

They're all lucky ones.

Oh, this is very optimistic

of you. Ha-ha-ha.

They're French condoms, so they're

probably the best in the world.

We're Unalaska.

We're gonna play

some songs for you.

I'm the brother

That you never meet

I'm an anchor

When you swim in the sea

Oh, a life sentence

Like a battery beast

And I only see the light

When you smile with teeth

No luck?

Have you been telling them

obnoxious travel stories?

- Yep.

- You need to lead with

"I have a brain aneurysm."

Okay, that might be a little

bit too close to home.

Dude, there are tons

of cute girls in there.

We are gonna go find

you one right now.

Too hot for Derek?

Possibly. I don't know.

Derek, I got one! Derek!

Aw.

Hell has frozen over.

Derek Lee has found a lady.

Hi.

Hi. I'm... I'm Clif.

Buddy, hey, back off

with the... Buddy.

I'm the skeleton in your body

You will never get a glimpse of me

Attaboy, Derek.

I knew you could do it.

And now I'm filming

my friend making out.

Good stuff.

So I'm supposed to act

natural while you're...

Act natural. Just talk to Clif.

We are leaving, so...

- Oh, yeah, okay.

- If you wanna come party with us,

- call this, my number.

- Holy rock star moment.

We're trying to figure out what

we're doing with our hotel tonight

because our friend went back

there with a girl, so...

Okay, that's fine. So you don't

sleep and, like, party all night.

I have to say congratulations

for him doing it with a girl

because I always congratulate

my friends for that.

- We don't know...

- It's hard to do.

We don't know if he's

actually doing it.

- There's one way to confirm.

- We could find out.

There's only one way to... Exactly.

What you're suggesting is the, uh...

The Turkish cock block.

I believe that that

is what it's called.

I think we should

elaborate on that point.

The Turkish cock block is not

in the spirit of friendship.

But it is something

that friends do.

- And it is hilarious.

- It's hilarious.

I think we really need to

do it. Edo, confirmation?

Operation Cock Block is a go.

This is... This is hands

down the shittiest thing

I've ever done to a friend,

but we're gonna do it,

because it's in the

spirit of Paris.

- In the spirit of Paris. I like that.

- Yeah.

Can I just say, because

we're filming this,

that I am against this

completely because it's mean?

Yeah, well, you can go

sleep in the lobby.

- We're not.

- I'm independent.

One, two, three.

Cock block!

- Holy sh*t.

- Derek?

- F*** me.

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