Adventureland Page #4

Hey, I heard some big fat lady

fell off the Paratrooper.

Oh, really? I didn't hear about that.

Was she okay?

I don't know.

Hey, you know what? Give me 10.

-Okay.

-You know what? Make it 15.

Yeah, I heard she was this

big, fat, slob of a woman, you know?

Hey, he won! Check it out!

Way to go, Dom! Way to go, Dom!

-We got a winner!

-Come on, check it out!

Okay, sir, actually,

I saw you holding him over the bottles.

That's cheating.

Oh, no. He won fair-and-square, sir.

You know, you gotta give him a prize!

-Yeah, I saw him throw it!

-Hey, thank you, sir.

-Guys, hey, fellas, I could lose my job.

-This f*ggot's trying to rip off a kid!

Why don't you give the kid

a f***ing panda.

Here you go, here's your panda.

Yeah, thanks. Here you go, Dom.

I mean, he's just a little kid.

Look, am I gonna get in trouble?

No one's ever supposed

to lose a giant-ass panda.

Is it worth getting knifed over?

No.

-Hi. I'm James Brennan. I just started.

-Em. Nice to meet you.

Sucks you're gonna lose your job

your second day, James.

No. Sh*t. I need this job.

I'm kidding. You're okay.

I'll tell Bobby you lost the panda

at knifepoint.

Yo, Connell! Rock on!

-Who's that?

-Connell. He's the maintenance guy.

Hey, Joel, is that a pipe?

Yeah, I know.

It's a revolting affectation,

but it relaxes me.

-Hey, Joel. Hey.

-Hi.

You guys want some of this?

-I bagged it from Paulette. Cuban rum?

-Thanks.

I think somebody was trying

to write "Satan Lives" on that wall,

but they spelled it "Satin Lives."

One of those textile-worshipping cults,

no doubt.

-That's quite funny.

-Yeah.

Lou Reed? I like the tee, Em.

You know

about Connell and Lou, right?

No, I don't know about them.

Time out, guys.

-Guys, he doesn't know the legend.

-Oh, my God!

-Tell him.

-Connell once jammed with Lou Reed.

-Really?

-The historic Lou Reed.

-The Lou Reed.

-So Connell's like a real musician?

Yeah, he's got his own band.

It's frigging awesome.

-He's gotta get a lot of p*ssy with it.

-He's married, you perv!

Nice pipe, Grandpa!

Oh, my God.

That was a whole corn dog!

I'm sorry, Joel.

My brother is such a douche.

Looks like it's us!

Let's go, panty stain!

"Panty stain," that's me.

Good night, everybody.

Hey, I could give you a ride,

if you want.

Really? Frigo, I got a ride. Really?

-What?

-Yeah.

-Thank you so much. I got a ride.

-Hey, what?

You can go. Good night.

-You got a ride?

-Yes.

All right, then.

Then why don't you ride this?

-Oh, my God.

-Frigo.

-All right, I'll see you, Brennan.

-What the hell was that?

It's just my life.

I'm curious to know

exactly how you are

I keep my distance

But that distance is too far

It reassures me just to know

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