
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 86 min
- 1,230 Views
(4.50 / 4 votes)EXT. STREET - DAY
A UPS Man with a big pot belly is walking down the street, whistling
and carelessly tossing a
package in the air. We hear the sound of broken glass in the box. He
passes a professional woman.
UPS MAN:
Good morning, UPS!
He tosses the box behind his back like a basketball, then acknowledges
another passerby.
UPS MAN:
UPS, good to see you!
He takes a couple of steps, then flings the package incredibly high
into the air, spins completely
around and expertly drops to one knee and catches the box. A Hispanic
man passes.
UPS MAN:
Buenos dias. Uo Pay eSsay.
The UPS Man dodges a couple of black kids as though playing
basketball. He runs up the front
steps of the building. He reaches out to open the front door and
inadvertently flings the package
behind him and back down the steps.
He goes back, retrieves the package, then enters the building.
INT. LOBBY - DAY
Several people stand in the elevator. The UPS Man just makes it, but
the door closes on the
package... REPEATEDLY. He feigns embarrassment.
INT. 3RD FLOOR - DAY
ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN. The UPS Man throws the package out onto the floor
and starts
kicking it down the hall like a soccer player. With one last big kick
APARTMENT 3B. He picks it up and knocks on the door.
We hear a small dog barking.
GRUFF MAN (O.S.)
Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt!
An angry, burly man pokes his nose hairs out the chained door.
GRUFF MAN:
What do you want?
UPS MAN:
UPS, sir. And how are you this
afternoon? Alrighty then!
The man grumpily unchains the door. He's a big guy - 6'5", 250, and 50
of that is chest hair. A
small Shiatsu stands beside him.
UPS MAN:
I have a package for you.
The UPS guy thrusts the package toward the man. We can clearly hear
broken glass inside. The
man takes the package.
GRUFF MAN:
It sounds broken.
UPS MAN:
Most likely sir! I bet it was
something nice though! Now... I
haver an insurance form. If you'll
just sign here, here, and here,
and initial here, and print your name
here, we'll get the rest of the
forms out to you as soon as we
can.
The man begrudgingly begins to fill out the form. The dog wags his
tail and whines. We can see
UPS MAN:
That's a lovely dog you have. Do
you mind if I pet him, sir?
GRUFF MAN:
(mumbles)
I don't give a rat's ass.
The UPS Man bends down and talks to the dog in a really sucky pet
talk.
UPS MAN:
Oo ja boo ba da boo boo do booo!
GRUFF MAN:
(under breath)
Brother.
Before the Gruff Man can finish, the UPS Man stands back up and takes
the form again.
UPS MAN:
That's fine sir. I can fill out
the rest. You just have yourself
a good day. Take care, now! 'Bye
'bye, then!
THRASH MUSIC STARTS
INT. HALLWAY -- CONT'D
The UPS Man moves swiftly down the hall and into the stair well.
INT. APARTMENT 3B - CONT'D
The Gruff Man shakes the box, tosses it down and sits in front of the
TV.
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - CONT'D
The UPS Man bursts from the front door and hustles down the street
very quickly. He passes
several people.
UPS MAN:
(quickly)
UPS, S'cuse me. UPS, comin'
through.
INT. APARTMENT 3B - CONT'D
We see the back of the Shiatsu staring at the crack in the front door.
He has not moved an inch.
GRUFF MAN:
Hey, stupid! Get away from the
door!
The dog doesn't budge and this really pisses him off. He gets up and
heads for the dog.
GRUFF MAN:
What's the matter with you, I said
GIT!!!
He roughly picks the dog up by the scruff of the neck, but as he turns
it around we see that it is a
stuffed dog. Around it's neck is a business card that reads, "You have
been had by Ace Ventura -
Pet Detective." He breathes fire.
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"Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 28 Jan. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ace_ventura:_pet_detective_920>.
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