Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie Page #3

Yeah.

Cocktails?

The mixologist is Madeira Slice.

He's doing his flaming

gasoline herbal

labia cocktails.

No olives.

No.

Oh, Metro wants a paragraph.

Oh, Patsy Stone, fashion editor, The A.

Fashion designer Huki Muki

makes Valentino look like Topshop.

Disorientating beauty juxtaposed

between life and death...

and shoes.

Yeah, all that sh*t, but more importantly,

our magazine is sponsoring it.

I want Huki Muki smaller, our logo bigger.

Yeah, Magda.

Oi, Pats.

I've just been

with Valentino.

What's left of him?

Not much. He's a small

lizard handbag

with a hoverboard of hair.

Shut up!

Ooh!

Guest list, now.

Right.

Okay, we have got

all the Jenners and Tyga...

Suki, Cara, David...

Kanye. We have Dolce,

but not Gabbana. Okay.

SamCam, I don't know who...

Ai Wuhwuh... Ai Weiwuh...

Weiwie...

Am I going deaf

or have you not said "Kate Moss" yet?

Apart from the fact

me head's full of fish fumes...

it's impossible because

she's left her P. R.

I shouldn't have said that, it's secret.

Delete, delete.

I don't care.

Just get her here.

Offer her ayahuasca and shamans

and enough vodka to kill cattle.

I'm off to Chanel.

Lagerfeld waits for no man.

Get me an Uber.

A minicab?

Helicopter!

I don't do traffic!

Bag.

Chanel, Chanel!

I can't bloody work with that sh*t!

Welcome, everybody,

to this month's

P.R. person-of-the-month

lunch.

Eat. It's all free.

Nothing is free anymore.

Even freedom isn't free.

It used to be.

But now everybody wants your PIN number.

Sure they do, old girl.

Sure they do.

Say nothing.

Edina.

Claudia.

I hear you've just been to a meeting

with my friend Joel at Random Penguin.

Yeah, it went really well.

He said how it went.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Claudia Bing.

Thank you, guys.

So proud

to be yet again...

the P. R. person's

P. R. person of the month.

We will continue to run campaigns...

with the...

"sergeny"?

Synergy.

Oh, synergy.

Shooting up and...

Out.

Out.

Shooting out on Twitter...

and joining up all those conversations.

Do we do that?

No.

Who knew that a blog post

could do more than

a banner or cookie engagement?

Do you feed my Twitter?

No, I forgot. And it died.

These days, you can't get by

with a couple

of old pop stars

and a vodka.

It's a boutique vodka!

It's a huge boutique vodka!

Eddy! Top secret, darling.

You don't know this...

and I don't know this, but, darling...

Kate Moss

is changing her P.R.!

Darling? Kate Moss!

Oh, shut up! Stop!

Eds, darling,

she's going to be at the Huki Muki.

Shut up! Shut up!

No one else will know.

Don't let that b*tch Bing know.

Damn!

So common.

Ooh!

Lola!

Lola!

What?

Have you seen Gran?

Hi.

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