Absolute Beginners Page #3

putting on the agony,

all trying to sing like hillbillies,

just praying for Harry Charms

to snap them up

and sell them into pop slavery.

I mustn't throw stones,

especially not at Americans.

Yanks invented teenagers.

England for the English, and all that.

But being anti-Yank's

a sure sign of defeat.

I've got the tickets for

the Stravinsky recital.

Harry Charms, I've got an appointment.

He's in there.

Do me a favor,

don't drive me mad down there.

He was precious, all right.

Loonies.

And very nasty in the wrong hands.

Listen.

You know the three

most useless things in the world?

The Pope's balls, a nun's tits,

and a good write-up

in The Record Mirror.

Harry Charms?

- Who are you?

- My name's Colin.

Sonya, how many times

do I have to tell you...

- Suzette sent me.

- Oh.

I've come about the dirty pictures.

Dirty pictures? No, no, no.

Where'd she get that idea from?

Do you mind?

This is the Harry Charms Stable

of Stars.

Each one a star in their own right.

Come and sit down.

No, over here.

Whitey Britain, Charles Harold,

Zesty Boy Swift.

All my own discoveries.

And over here...

At least one more, maybe two.

They don't know it yet.

Neither do I, for sure.

Right, come in here and have a look.

All right, settle down, everybody.

All right, stars?

Right.

It's not just their talent,

you see, it's mine.

Look at this.

Stand up. No, not you, you.

No, not right. Who else?

You, let's have a look at you.

I'm a great drummer.

Too many cream buns.

Naming them, taming them,

famousing them up.

Oh, he's very musical.

Oh, he's a great mover...

Leave it out, Mum.

You could be right.

Well, Colin, I've got a new song.

With your help,

I'm gonna make it a hit.

Well, there's gonna be some changes

What a mover.

Around the garbage can

Get a shot, Colin, get a shot.

When you lean, lean right forward.

That's good, baby.

It's a hit. We've got a hit.

I can feel it.

I may look like a little kitten

That's good. Give it to us, baby.

Boom it out. Yeah! Ooh!

Look out, big cat,

a little cat's moving in

Yeah, yeah.

Now move your hips.

Move your hips forward, back.

Now twirl them around.

Come on, baby, boom it out, baby!

Sing it, baby.

Baby, boom it!

Baby Boom!

Baby Boom! That's it!

Get a shot of Baby Boom.

Until I start to roar

- Come on, Suzette, I need to go.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll pin you underneath.

Oh, God, I'm caught!

Stop, Camilla. Stop.

- Get off!

- Stop.

Will you get off?

Oh!

Oh, Henley, you've been

holding out on me, you rascal, you.

Watch it, will you?

Oh, I love this look.

What do you call it?

Henley, this is one of yours?

I'll bloody well get you for this!

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