About A Boy Page #3

and a sh*t time at school.

It was fine deciding

single mums were the future...

...but the frustrating truth was

I didn't have their numbers.

- Hi, Dad.

- Hey.

Where did they hang out?

I'm a single father,

I have a 2-year-old boy.

I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

SPAT.

This was exciting.

A potential gold mine of single mums.

I could see the beautiful creatures now,

getting roaring drunk...

...forgetting their troubles,

ready to rock and roll.

That was when

I was 7 months pregnant.

By the time I had the baby,

he was in Majorca with another woman.

Not even the one

he cheated on me with the first time.

Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.

He said I'd got too fat.

Mine was shagging his secretary.

Such a cliche.

I'll tell you one thing: Men are bastards.

After about 10 minutes...

...I wanted to cut my own penis off

with a kitchen knife.

Me.

Yes.

I have a 2-year-old. Ned.

He's got blue eyes

and sort of sandy-colored hair...

...and he's about 2'3".

And his mum left.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I mean,

obviously it was a very big shock...

...because we were so happy, you know?

Sandra's neurology practice

was just up and running...

...and then one day her bags were packed,

and my best friend was waiting outside...

...in his Ferrari.

Yeah. You know, the Modena?

The one with the supercharged engine,

where you can see it through the back window?

- You got dumped then?

- Yeah.

May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?

Sorry, I didn't catch your name.

Suzie.

Suzie.

She doesn't see much of him, no.

How does he cope with that?

He's a very good little boy.

Very, very brave.

They've got amazing resources, don't they?

Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.

He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms

around my neck, and he said:

"You hang in there, Dad. "

God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old!

Is it?

Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special.

Sometimes I think, you know,

he's the one taking care of me.

Teaching me the ways of the world.

Sorry.

Thank you.

My God, what a performancel

I was even fooling myself.

There you go. You okay?

Yeah. Perfect, thanks.

- Trust me?

- Of course.

By the end of the evening,

I had a date lined up.

Single parents alone together!

Single parents alone togetherl

All for one and one for alll

The problem was I also had

an imaginary 2-year-old son.

The date was a SPAT picnic in Regent's Park,

with everyone bringing their kids.

Sadly, Ned couldn't be there.

His mum had come

and picked him up at the last second.

- What a shame.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

- Got it.

- This is Megan, by the way.

Hello, Megan.

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