A Zed & Two Noughts Page #7

What color knickers is she wearing?

- Red ones, to match her hat.

- No, she isn't.

- How do you know?

- I know.

Well, Oliver,

you could always go and ask

and find out.

Go on, ask her.

Excuse me, madam,

I'm sorry to bother you.

I think we may just have met before.

May I trouble you in the interest

of that child's education?

May I ask you a few questions?

- Like?

- Like? Uh...

Are these ostrich feathers?

- Who are you exactly? Do I know you?

- I'm an animal behaviourist, madam.

Then your question doesn't sound

very well informed.

- What animals are you a behaviourist of?

- All animals. Madam...

Can I ask you a personal question?

Which do you prefer...

What color are your knickers?

- Black and white striped.

- Thank you!

It's a pleasure.

- You see, black and white stripes.

- You didn't know. I knew all the time.

- You did?

- Yes, I saw them yesterday.

Well, why did you make me

go through all that, then?

Excuse me.

Just in case you don't believe me,

I can show you.

Ah! No, thank you very much!

We believe you.

- I insist!

- It's really quite all right. Thank you!

If you are both zoologists as you claim,

you pride yourself on your powers

of observation.

You must continue these experiments.

If you don't look at the evidence,

you're cheating the child.

Come with me or I swear

I'll kick this table over.

Go on, then.

God!

And now I'll knock over this one,

if you don't go with me at once.

All right! Where to?

Just follow me.

Go on, then.

Thanks very much.

All right, smart zoologist.

Now see for yourself.

Go on.

That will cost you 40.

And there's another thing,

Van Meegeren and I believe

it's better for you

and your precious brother

not to see Alba Bewick,

before it's too late.

Too late?

If you both feel so lonely,

you can't help yourself,

come and see me.

Together, if you must.

And I don't tell dirty stories.

Don't press too hard, my back aches.

- Where does it ache?

- Across the hips and along the spine.

Don't worry. It's a natural condition.

Let's have you in a sitting position.

- Tell me, what happened to my leg?

- What do you mean?

- Where is it now? Have you sold it?

- It was incinerated.

- Where?

- Don't concern yourself with it.

- Where?

- In the hospital incinerator.

What is your connection with the zoo?

I am veterinarian consultant.

Why do you ask?

- Do you perform amputations on animals?

- If they are necessary.

Do you fit animals

with artificial limbs?

Where are these questions leading, Alba?

Is animal surgery

so different from human surgery?

There are many similarities.

- What's this for?

- It's for a surprise.

What sort of a surprise?

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