A Wish for Wings That Work

Synopsis: Opus the Penguin, amoung his other problems, always felt inadequate by his being "aerodynamicly impaired". Together, with Bill the Cat he tries doggedly to overcome that weakness, all without success. It is only on Christmas Eve that Opus learns what worth his natural abilities are.
 
IMDB:
7.8
Year:
1991
22 min
35 Views

(GRUNTING)

(COUGHING)

(PURRING)

OPUS:
Wings, Mr. Santy Claus,

I need new wings.

Not fancy wings,

just plain-Jane,

low-rent, barely bent,

home-grown, bare-bone,

off-the-shelf,

two-part, Kmart,

no-frills flappers.

They would be an improvement

over my own.

As your records should show,

I am a bird.

Specifically, a penguin,

an embarrassing accident

of birth

for which

I do not blame my mother.

I prefer to blame

(SWALLOWING)

Congress.

For the first time

in my life,

I have a request

for Your Plumpness.

Let me start by telling you

about my life lately.

In fact, just this morning.

OPUS:
Fly, fly, fly.

Fly, fly, fly, fly.

Fly, fly, fly, fly.

I almost fly. I almost fly.

I almost fly. I almost did.

(CHATTERING)

(MUMBLING)

Ack!

(COUGHING)

(PURRING)

(MUMBLING)

OPUS:
No cats. No cats.

Especially no Bill the Cats!

Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly.

Fly, fly, fly, fly.

(SINGING)

Fly, fly, fly, fly.

Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly.

(BIRDS CAWING)

OPUS:
And like

a thousand mornings

before this one,

it was plain that a penguin

can say the word fly,

but he simply cannot do it.

(BURPING)

Why don't penguins

have wings that work?

This! They call this a wing?

This is a bad joke.

This is built-in obsolescence.

I'm an Edsel.

I might as well

be a dung beetle.

Or a fly-infested,

worm-infused,

molded, mildewed,

scrap of rotten banana.

Or a network executive.

A bad day

for flying, anyhoo.

No lift. Heavy ozone.

Plus too many stupid cats

during the take-off roll.

Oh, got a little

perspiration on your puss

there, Billy-boy.

You also have

a rubbish can up to

your nether regions.

(EXCLAIMS)

You smell like

last week's

Brussels sprouts.

I suggested that you move

into the recyclables can,

didn't I?

OPUS:
Some years ago,

Father Christmas,

I rescued old Bill from

the University science lab.

They replaced his brains

with tater tots.

I have no need

for a sidekick, sir.

But still, he'd like

to be my best buddy.

But then, stinkbugs might

like to dance the Watusi

in my shorts, too.

I mean, you've got

to draw the line somewhere.

(CRASHING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(DOG BARKING)

(PIGS SQUEALING)

(COW MOOING)

WOMAN:
(SINGING)

I woke up this morning

My wings ain't no use

My butt down on my shoes

I got those flapless,

earthbound blues

OPUS:

Lately, Father Christmas,

my social life

hasn't gotten much higher

off the ground

than my feet.

Hey, look!

I'm a bird!

Oh! I have slipped

the surly bonds of earth!

(LAUGHS)

Honey, I'll be taking lunch

on the moon today!

(LAUGHS)

What's the red thing

on the neck?

A turbo-prop?

So where's the exhaust?

(CHUCKLING)

Don't answer that.

Note the mighty wings.

I suspect they sputter

more than flutter.

(ALL LAUGHING)

They're obviously jealous

of my nose.

Anybody would be.

(HACKING)

BOTH:
Huh?

BOTH:
Hairball!

Get out

of the way.

Don't touch it!

Hey, spread out.

Get away from that.

Don't touch that thing!

(PATTERING)

OPUS:
Good morning, Truffles!

TRUFFLES:

Merry Christmas, Opus.

Always a pleasure

to run into someone

lower on the food chain.

(LAUGHS)

Did you know

you have a large rutabaga

on your nose?

This is my nose.

Excuse me, I'm late

for my support group.

Surely, you're not persisting

in your flights of fancy, huh?

(CHUCKLING)

Myself,

I am perfectly comfortable

with my self-image.

You would not see me

trying to fly.

I hope not.

You're a pig.

Rhinoceros.

Pig.

Rhinoceros.

Pig.

P-O-R-K.

You know,

the other white meat.

How about a water buffalo?

They been giving out

those lobotomy coupons

in the Little

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Berkeley Breathed

Guy Berkeley "Berke" Breathed (; born June 21, 1957) is an American cartoonist, children's book author/illustrator, director and screenwriter, best known for Bloom County, a 1980s cartoon-comic strip and more recent Internet cartoons that reflect sociopolitical issues as understood by fanciful characters (e.g., Bill the Cat and Opus the Penguin) and through humorous analogies. Bloom County earned Breathed the Pulitzer Prize for Editorial Cartooning in 1987. more…

All Berkeley Breathed scripts | Berkeley Breathed Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • Chinese - Simplified 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • Chinese - Traditional 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Spanish Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • Japanese 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Portuguese Português (Portuguese)
  • German Deutsch (German)
  • Arabic العربية (Arabic)
  • French Français (French)
  • Russian Русский (Russian)
  • Kannada ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • Korean 한국어 (Korean)
  • Hebrew עברית (Hebrew)
  • Ukrainian Український (Ukrainian)
  • Urdu اردو (Urdu)
  • Hungarian Magyar (Hungarian)
  • Hindi मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesian Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italian Italiano (Italian)
  • Tamil தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Turkish Türkçe (Turkish)
  • Telugu తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • Thai ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Vietnamese Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Czech Čeština (Czech)
  • Polish Polski (Polish)
  • Indonesian Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Romanian Românește (Romanian)
  • Dutch Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Greek Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latin Latinum (Latin)
  • Swedish Svenska (Swedish)
  • Danish Dansk (Danish)
  • Finnish Suomi (Finnish)
  • Persian فارسی (Persian)
  • Yiddish ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • Armenian հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norwegian Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English English (English)

Discuss this A Wish for Wings That Work script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"A Wish for Wings That Work" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 13 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_wish_for_wings_that_work_2075>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


The Studio:

ScreenWriting Tool

Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.