A Voyage Round My Father

FATHER:
Brokenhearted milkman,

in grief I'm arrayed

For keeping on the company

of a young servant maid

- [ Bee buzzing]

- Bring that saw, will you, boy?

Out of the barrow.

Who lived on board wages

and a house to keep clean

In a gentleman's family

in Paddington Green

Here, boy.

SON:

My father wasn't always blind.

[ Gasps 1

He hi! His head

on the branch of a tree,

and the retinas lei! The balls

of his eyes.

That's how I looked to my

father from childhood onwards.

That's how my wife

and his grandchildren looked.

Acorn Media

BOY:

Where are we going to sleep?

BOY 2:
I want to sleep

in Granddad's bedroom.

SON:
Nonsense! You're going to

sleep in the middle bedroom.

BOY 1:
I don't want to sleep

in the middle bedroom.

ELIZABETH:
You got the key?

I want to change her.

Oh. Uh...

Here.

[Door closes]

FATHER:

Trapped a few, boy?

SON:

Just a few.

FATHER:
Ah. That will teach them

to feast on our dahlias.

Put them to the slaughter.

Sow;

All right.

Dahlias are all right, are they?

Yes.

Will you describe them for me?

Well, they're red... yellow.

Blowsy.

Go on, tell me frankly.

Middle-aged, are they?

Past it, eh?

Well...

Oh, go on.

You paint me the picture.

[ Chuckles ]

You be my eyes, huh?

[ Chuckles ]

My father was blind,

but we never mentioned it.

He had a great disinclination

to mention anything unpleasant.

What was that?

Courage?

Cowardice?

Indifference?

Or caring too completely?

Made it?

Have we?

Good?

0K8'!-

Why didn't he blaspheme?

Beat his head against the

pitch-black walls around him?

Why didn't he curse God?

He had a great capacity

for rage,

bu! Never a! The universe.

This egg is bloody runny!

It's in the most revolting

condition.

[ Coughs 1

What are you trying to do,

choke me to death?!

Have you all gone mad?!

Am I totally surrounded

by cretins?!

[ Breathing heavily]

In this six months, he married

this hardhearted girl

But he was not a Viscount,

and he was not an earl

He was not a baronet,

but a shade or two worse

'Twas the bowlegged conductor

of a tuppenny bus

The boy here?

- Yes, dear. He's here.

- Mm.

Don't let anyone ever

deceive you into believing

that the world was created

in six days.

Would you like your coffee now,

dear?

The evolution of the horse

was the most torturous process.

Mm.

This coffee's frozen.

Like a sort of Arctic mud.

Shall I make you some fresh,

dear?

Um... rather like it.

Six days' labor wouldn't even

evolve one primitive earthworm.

Have you got some more of that?

So none of this

six-days nonsense, hmm?

What are you trying to do now...

scald me to death?!

The three of us lived

in a small house surrounded,

as if for protection,

by an enormous garden.

My father was driven

to the station,

where he caught a train

to London

and his work as a barrister,

in a great hearse-like car,

which he would no more have

thought of replacing each year

than he would have accepted

a different kind of suit

or a new gardening hat.

Mr. Ringer Lean, who drove it,

treated the car as though

it were a nervous stallion.

Come on, me old beauty.

A bit frisky this morning.

Do you want a quick rubdown

with the Sporting Life?

There we are.

- Morning, ma'am.

- Good morning.

- Morning, gov.

- Ah. Lean.

The old Austin's gone

a bit lame today.

The going doesn't suit her.

It's a bit heavy.

Come on, me old beauty.

[Cane tapping]

MOTHER:

Just here.

Right.

FATHER:
Right.

[Whistle blows]

MOTHER:

"Report of Mr. Thong."

Bah!

Private detective.

All right. Go on.

Read it.

"Observation was commenced

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