A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas Page #3

Ha-ha-ha.

Am I missing something?

Every Christmas we use a tree

that Dad grew.

- Oh.

MR. PEREZ:
Twelve-foot Fraser fir.

Look at the branch distribution.

Oh, I see.

Hey, hey!

She's very delicate.

I've been growing her for eight years.

Eight years, wow. I never knew

Christmas trees were such a big deal.

Oh, God.

Not a big deal?

Let me tell you a story, Harold.

Growing up in Medelln...

...my family was too poor

to celebrate Christmas properly.

Every year I would pray to God:

"Please, let me wake up and find a big,

beautiful Christmas tree."

And every Christmas...

...I was heartbroken.

When my mother finally

moved me to America...

...she promised me we would have...

...a Christmas tree every Christmas

from then on.

But one week before that first Christmas,

while walking home from work...

...she was violently attacked...

...by a gang of Korean punks.

They stabbed her multiple times.

She bled to death.

So I guess...

...you could say, yes,

a Christmas tree is a big deal.

Oh, my God.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I'm sorry.

Pepe! Where are the ornaments?

I don't know.

My eyes are all f***ed up.

You can't celebrate Christmas

with a naked tree! It's indecent!

Maria, forget about midnight Mass.

Tonight, we're decorating the tree.

Oh, Daddy, I wanted

to spend tonight in the city...

...with you guys.

Wait.

I got this.

I'll take care of the tree.

You have a family night in Manhattan.

No. No, no, no.

We brought the tree all the way down.

It has to look perfect

on Christmas morning.

Carlos, it will. Tell me exactly what

you want and I'll take care of it.

When you come back,

the tree will be decorated.

This house, I promise you,

is gonna be perfect.

Oh, B-T-dub, the girl tonight?

Her name is Mary.

As in the Virgin Mary.

How great is that?

What did Vanessa do to suck...

...the life out of you...

...this afternoon?

I don't have anyone else to confide in.

I might as well tell you. Uh...

Vanessa's pregnan...

A queefer.

- What?

- I knew it.

I used to date this black chick,

she used to queef every time we had sex.

It was ridiculous.

I used to call her Queen Laqueefa.

When was the last time

you saw this guy?

- Two years ago.

- So...

...why are we dropping off this package?

You said this guy was a chode.

He is, all right? I just...

I don't want his sh*t in my place.

Sure this is the right address?

Whoa. Looks like your ex-boyf's

moving up in the world. Heh.

I guess.

I'll be right back.

I'm just gonna drop this off.

F***!

Kumar?

Hello, Harold.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- I was...

- How are you? Good to see you.

- Oh, hey.

- How you doing?

- Good to see you too. Good.

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